23 | "Life Lessons" | What Has Shaped Your Life?

Turning 40 is a milestone — and in this special birthday episode, Khalila McCoy reflects on the seven life lessons that have shaped her across four decades. From putting God first to redefining identity beyond career to embracing lifelong learning and unexpected wisdom from travel, this episode is honest, heartfelt, and full of growth.

Joined by her husband, DJ McCoy, Khalila shares personal stories about faith, teaching, burnout, rediscovery, trying new things, and the powerful life lessons from a service trip to Mexico as a teenager. Together, they explore how experiences — big and small — shape who we become and how we rise.

If you’re navigating your own season of reflection, transition, or self‑discovery, this episode will encourage you to look at your life with gratitude, curiosity, and hope. It’s real, uplifting, and full of the warmth that defines Where We Rise.

Connect with Khalila

Instagram:  @wherewerisepod

Email: WhereWeRisePod@gmail.com

Transcript

Khalila McCoy 0:00

Hi, I'm Khalila McCoy, and this is a show where we grow together. This is where we rise. Hey there, friend. Thank you so much for joining me this week. I'm so excited that you're here because this week is extra special. Because I am celebrating my birthday. Yes, it's true. On July 14th, Khalila McCoy officially turned 40 years old. 40. Yes. I have joined the ranks of all the friends I have lovingly teased who have crossed this milestone before me. But honestly, I am grateful. I'm thankful to have made it this far. And I've loved celebrating with family and friends and have enjoyed a little bit of much needed me time as well. So I can't complain. It's been a great week so far. Since it's my birth week and since I'm officially 40 now, I thought it would be fun to switch things up and for me to speak to you in this episode. I want to share a little bit more about who I am by walking you through some things that I've learned in my four decades of living. And because DJ is wonderful and supportive, he agreed to join me for this conversation. He didn't know what I was going to share ahead of time, which made this even more fun. So let's get right into it and we'll talk more afterwards. How are you, babe?

DJ McCoy 1:30

I'm doing well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up, everybody?

Khalila McCoy 1:34

All right. So today is my 40th birthday episode, and you so graciously are helping me with it. I am sharing, okay, so I'm supposed to be sharing 40 things that I've learned in life now that I'm 40. Um, but 40 was a lot. It was really hard to come up with 40 things that I felt like I wanted to say and really share and impart. And I'm sure if I like got to the nitty-gritty, right, there could be 40 things that I could share, but it might not resonate with people. You know what I mean? Like it would just be random, silly things. So then I knocked it down way down to 10. So like my top 10 things. And then I was working on that, and that was hard too. So I've knocked it down to seven.

DJ McCoy 2:26

Okay. I mean, you know, I was expecting 10, but it's all good, you know? And it's your realm, you lead, I'll follow, I got you. Seven's a good number. Seven's a good number.

Khalila McCoy 2:36

Yeah. So seven things that I've learned in my 40 years of life. And I kind of, again, kind of switched it because I didn't really necessarily want this episode to be me giving advice to people because I think people are in different stages of their life, going through different things. And I wanted it to be more kind of like story-driven. So it's just things that I've learned about myself that help me grow. And then hopefully there'll be something somebody can take from it, something that they can relate to, things like that. So that's where we're gonna be going with this direction, okay?

DJ McCoy 3:13

Yeah, that's good. I'm almost sure this is gonna be nothing but positivity. I mean, the show is easier. Yeah, you know. Yeah, well, I I feel you in the sense, you know, I'll be in the media space, and it gets different when you give your opinions versus just trying to just say what you learned. So like how you just are like, This, this is what I've learned. Here go seven things that I've learned. And you know, so

Khalila McCoy 3:37

and obviously I've learned more than seven things in 40 years, but these are probably the things that ground me the most. I'd say that.

DJ McCoy 3:46

Okay.

Khalila McCoy 3:47

Okay. So are you ready? My seven things over 40 years.

DJ McCoy 3:53

And then are we going in order or from least to greatest, or are we just saying seven things?

Khalila McCoy 3:59

So I'm just saying seven things. Um, my first one is definitely my number one thing. And then the rest kind of just I feel like it, they flowed. I hope they kind of flow into each other in a sense. But um, my first one is number one. And number one is God first. So my listeners know that I am a Christian. I do believe in God and Jesus, and that has been a very big influence in my life. I grew up in the church, my dad was a pastor. Um, I went to church, like church girl scouts. It's called missionettes when I was younger. So I spent a lot of time in the church, a lot of time with God. And then, you know, I was in college and stuff like that. And I still definitely believed in God, but I didn't spend as much time with him for a while. So I think I did have that reconnection and re I don't want to say I won't, I don't want to say recommitting my life because I don't feel like I was not committed, but just that new understanding as an adult, learning about God and religion on my own terms, you know what I mean, as an adult versus just growing up in it as a child. So um I've had a lot of really good things honestly happen in my life and a lot of different trials and things that I went through, but I feel like God was there with me and leading me along the way. So one of my biggest things is for the longest time, like if you asked me what my favorite Bible verse was, right? I would say the Jeremiah 29, 11, and that reads, For you know the plans, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope in a future. And there's so much that can go into that verse, and we can dive into that at another time. But just that part that I took for it and that a lot of people talk about is just the God has good plans for you, right? And your steps are ordered and things like that. So I really feel like the things that I've been through in my life and the experiences that I have, God has really ordered things for me and has planned stuff for me. And I do believe that I have walked within his will for me. So I really like that verse, and it just reminds me like even if things aren't going well, you know, things will work out for good. God is in control, things like that. So that was my favorite verse. But I think like there's a lot of good things that are obviously in the Bible and a lot of good verses. So I think that was a good one for a season, I guess. Um I still like it, but I think for this season in my life, I have a new Bible verse.

DJ McCoy 6:44

That's that's good, man. That's that's very interesting.

Khalila McCoy 6:47

Do you want to hear my new verse?

DJ McCoy 6:48

Yeah, I want to hear it.

Khalila McCoy 6:49

So my new verse is actually John 16, 33.

DJ McCoy 6:54

Okay.

Khalila McCoy 6:55

And Jesus is telling his disciples all about what's coming and the challenges that will he'll face that they will face too. And he says, I've told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world. So it's a very different verse.

DJ McCoy 7:17

Different tone, different vibes, different. And it that makes sense to me as somebody who gets to observe you up close and personally. World, I feel like I might be part of that, but

Khalila McCoy 7:33

it does it does seem very negative, right?

DJ McCoy 7:36

No, I don't think it's negative. You know, I don't look at you know, I don't look at confrontation as negative. It's just so many things we gotta go through, and the Lord will be, he would hope we'll be willing to go through it, but a lot of us avoid things, but like, you know, you more you know, you know, you're pulling your sleeves up and you realize that like life is tough and bad things happen. So like, how am I gonna move? And I like your approach with uh doing what you feel God calls you to do, and then just rolling up your sleeves and doing what you can in terms of that that you know that war that we in. It's not we don't fight, God say we don't fight like how people fight. We fight in a different way, and you never really, you know, a lot of people may not know that. You roll up your sleeves and you do your thing about like how God tell us to fight, you do that. So, but that is definitely more of your approach now. Like it's gonna be harsh, can't be kind of whining about it. It suck, but I gotta do what I gotta do. It's been fun to watch, though. I like it.

Khalila McCoy 8:35

Yeah, I do feel like as I've gotten older, you know, different things have happened in the world. You see different things, you process things differently. And even in this podcast, right, some people have shared some really interesting or tough things in their life, and especially the ones who say that they're Christians and believe in God. I I always ask, like, how do you continue to have your faith in such a hard time? And I think that's such a real question. I think some people feel like, oh, if you are a Christian, you can't question God or you can't question, you know, what's going on with you, or you know, sometimes Christians like to act like they're perfect or nothing goes wrong, but God, Jesus literally says, you're gonna have trouble, things are gonna be bad, but not to stress and worry. And I think even for me, sometimes I do question like when you look at the world, you're like, where are you, God? Like, why is this happening? What is going on? And then again, it's that back to that first verse. Well, if we know he has good plans and he will prosper us, you know, you have to believe through those hard times too. So um I think that's kind of just where I am now, and you know, I'm continuing to grow my faith and learn different things about God and things like that. But I do feel like everything in my life, and that's why I said this is the number one, because it always goes back to my faith in God and just knowing that I can trust him, and I'm not even gonna pretend that I understand all the things and you know, all the things that are in the Bible, all the things that are happening in the world. I I don't get it most of it, but um, I choose to believe. So there we go. Number one, God first.

DJ McCoy 10:18

Hey, wait a way to wait to pop the segment off. I think those were some great ideas and views, and like I said, just from being able to observe you. Um you hey, we've been at this a while. Observing me. Yeah, I've been observing you. Yeah, we met a while ago. And um, you know, you're not the same 21 year old.

Khalila McCoy 10:42

Okay, so um, I think you'll like the second one then, Mr. I've been observing you and you've changed. Okay, number two is my job is not who I am.

DJ McCoy 10:54

Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure.

Khalila McCoy 10:58

So for my listeners, you guys know I am a school teacher, and especially as a classroom teacher, right? I taught fourth grade. Well, taught kindergarten first, then fourth grade. I think I was in the classroom for like, I don't know, 12 years, something like that.

DJ McCoy 11:11

And she crushed it to do well.

Khalila McCoy 11:14

Yeah, I think I did do well. I loved being a teacher. I loved the kids, I love the families. It was really great. Um, I wouldn't definitely take any of that back, but I was definitely really proud of the fact that I was a teacher. Oh no. I felt like, be quiet. I felt like it was definitely part of my identity, right? Like I was a teacher, like I teach, that's what I do, that's who I am, type of thing. And I spent a lot of hours and poured a lot of time into it. And if you listen to the marriage round table, you heard Amy talk about how she spent a lot of time teaching in in her classroom and didn't really feel like she was able to spend as much time with her kids and her family. And I think that's something that all teachers, at least, you know, the ones that I see and hear talk about their career go through because there's so much, and even now, I feel like more than ever is demanded of teachers and expectations of what we do and what we provide for those kids in our classroom. So I enjoyed it. I was young, so I didn't have anything else really going on. I think that that's part of it too. But I spent a lot of time just focused on the job and pouring all of me really into that, into those kids. I guess I think there were blessings in that. I think I made some really good connections with some families. I think I really helped some kids. But I think I got to a point where I don't want to say I was burnt out, but I did get to a point where I didn't want to be in the classroom anymore. And it was really hard for me because it's like, well, this is who I am, this is what I do. How can I be feeling like this? Why am I feeling like this? Why am I going through that? And so I had to really step back and think about, you know, at work they're always like, what is your why? Why are you here? And it's it's always so annoying when they ask you that. They're like, remember your why. You know, you have teachers like joking, like, because I have to pay my bills. But you know, it's always like why we're here for kids, we're here for what's best for kids. And that's true too. But I, you know, I like to be reflective. So my why was I really like to help people. For me, it was helping the kids to see what they truly could do, right? I was I was a math teacher, and most kids don't like math or they're not good at it, so they feel like they can't. So I really enjoyed like helping them come to the realization that I don't have to love this, but I can actually do this and be good at it. And that's when I realized like that's what I want to do. Like, I want to help people see, you know, all the possibilities and then make the best choice for themselves and to to succeed and be joyful for them and joyful in themselves that they've succeeded. So I think redefining why I love teaching really helped me as a teacher. It helped me like kind of be better in the classroom. And then it also helped me like I was a fitness coach at the time too. And it was the same thing. I loved helping the adults that I was working with reach a goal or work harder or push themselves past what they thought they could do. And I also loved doing that for myself as well when I was in fitness. So I think I thought I was like, oh, I'm just a teacher, this is what I do, I teach. But it was actually that help and that connection with others. So realizing that kind of helped me realize, okay, what do I want to do next? So now I'm still in education because I still love working with kids. I still love that teaching part of it, but now I get to help with adults, right? So it's like a bigger scale because I help teachers find their joy or their passion or the resources that they need to do their thing, which then in turn helps the kids. And then I help those struggling kiddos or those kiddos who are, you know, above and beyond. I need a little bit extra. So I do a lot of helping, which I think it's part of who I am. And um, so yeah, so my job that was my number two. My job is not who I am.

DJ McCoy 15:26

I like that. I like that. And it it's not, it's not, but it is something that you know you should do, you should approach with a very serious seriousness, a vigor, you know, um, even like a competitive type edge. Like try to be the best. Try to be the best at what you're doing and take advantage of those times, and I think you'll be rewarded for it in your approach and how you did it. I saw it up close and personal, how serious you took it. But I I I I I love it. I enjoy it. I never get mad. And you know, I also, and this is a just a warning to some of the younger people coming into it. Like, I know that although my wife loved me and we met when we did, her first love was teaching. Like, this is a genuine uh affection for this uh for this skill type, for this, for this help that they're trying to do. It's a specialized type thing, and you know, you gotta let that you gotta let that go. Like you gotta let our you know, I think we do better when we uh you know encourage and get behind our women that are doing great things. And these tasks are very, very hard. Like I can liken a teacher to being like a football player. Like uh, you know, football is a microcosm alike, but like these teachers go through tons of specialized knowledge for like uh just a section, K through third, third through seventh grade, um just literature, just history, like these very specialized sections where uh and there's competition in that, so they can get these few selected teacher jobs that don't pay but that pay what they pay. You know, I'm not gonna diss it because you know I'll I'm a pro-teacher person, but um it's been just as fun watching you uh attack the new systems that come in. Now we got a new program watching you go through and dissect, go through, tap every button to see what everything does in this program that they make in a switch over that you don't agree with, but you want to be the best you can for your students because uh you know, you know, your students, oh, this one software on page four, however you do it. Only I done I've seen you do it, but I don't know what you're doing. But I understand this is what teachers do, and you know, we appreciate y'all a lot. And it's been fun watching you do it and support you do it the whole time, you know, even the master's classes and when you gotta fit those things in the card before. I ain't trying to bring up trauma, but I'm just you know, I understand that teacher woman grind, but I understand at least this dynamic of you know marriage between educator and you know, husbands and stuff, because y'all care about all them kids a lot.

Khalila McCoy 18:02

Yes. Yeah, it's like a little family when you're in the classroom. So but yeah, so that was my number two. My number three that I've learned about myself is kind of related to education in the sense, but it's that I am a lifelong learner and I enjoy trying new things.

DJ McCoy 18:26

Oh, you're gonna tell me about it? You gonna tell me about it? Yeah, I think I I think I agree. I mean Yeah.

Khalila McCoy 18:33

So, you know, we always talk about at school, like k teaching kids to be lifelong learners and things like that. And I do like learning new things, and I would say certain things I learn about, like I find out about a situation or something, or I find out about a thing, and then I decide to dig deeper into it. And it could be like internet searches and um Googling stuff and looking at articles, or it could be then reading books about it and going deeper into things. So I like doing that. And so you know, I want to know more about that topic so I can be smarter in that area. Um and then there's a lot of stuff I don't know about and I don't care to know about, which is very true, which is something I'm working on because I was like, maybe I should pay more attention to these things like X, Y, and Z. So that is something that I have to consider. But um I do like get into those, what do they call it? I go down the rabbit hole of learning different things and having that knowledge. And I like to share it with people. And as you know, DJ, when I learn something new, I always like, oh, let me tell you about this. And pretend to listen. So thank you.

DJ McCoy 19:47

I hear it all. I hear it all. I get I get about seven to twelve fun facts a week, you know.

Khalila McCoy 19:55

So interesting. I know I love my I just got a book from um actually my grandma's house when she passed when I was going to herself. She has a book called Um a Book of I forget like unimportant facts or like things like that. So I'm excited to go through that and share that with Miles, actually. But I love learning new things and I love trying new things. So um, you know, whether it's just like trying a new food, trying a new restaurant, trying a new activity, things like that. Now, this is separate from learning, right? Because I feel like trying new things is like, okay, I did it once, I'm good, I'm done. Like I'm okay with something like that. But I feel like at least I've tried it, at least I've had that experience. I'm all about, you know, obviously as long as it's safe and healthy, um, having an experience, like trying something different. So, you know, you want to go axe throwing, sure, why not? Let's try that. Not really into golf, but people want to go tap golf. Let's go to tap golf, things like that. Um, when I was a fitness instructor, one of my goals actually was, I don't know if you know this, babe, but one of my goals was to try like every different type of workout there was.

DJ McCoy 21:04

And I just wanted to surprise that's all about, right? Yeah.

Khalila McCoy 21:08

So I was already teaching spinning and boot camp classes. So I wanted to try different things that also like challenged my body in different ways. So I did like CrossFit, I did rowing, I did um uh what did I do? Like kickboxing, things like that.

DJ McCoy 21:24

Just like yeah, I taught the boot camp.

Khalila McCoy 21:28

But yeah, I would try different. I did bar, which was really hard. And so like sometimes it's it's truly just purely to challenge myself and to see what I can do when I'm capable of. And you know, I might like it and continue it. Most of the things I just named, like I did one time, and then that was it. But I was like, hey, I did it, I experienced it, I tried it, and you know, I can take that back to what I do on the regular and have that help me grow in what you know in my regular life as well. So trying new things. And then learning things along the way, I think is really important. And I think sometimes as we get older or just life gets busy, you know, you get in a rut and you just get comfortable doing what you've always done. And I'm not against being comfortable at times, but I think that it's important to step outside of that and try a thing and do something that you wouldn't typically do. Like I said, because it's not always just about that thing. Like I said, it can show you something about yourself. It could show you about your resilience. It could show you about your ability to connect with others, whatever it is, you don't know, right? Until you try that thing. Um, so yeah, that's my number three. Lifelong learner and trying new things.

DJ McCoy 22:42

Okay. What else we got coming up?

Khalila McCoy 22:48

Okay, so my number four is life lessons can come from unexpected places. And I think we all know that, right? We learn things when we least ex least expect it. My biggest thing for me was I've had the privilege of traveling to different countries and different things like that, especially at a younger age. Um, and then into my early 20s, I traveled as well with some friends to different countries. And the my biggest lesson, my favorite experience was when I was a junior in high school, I did a so I went to a private school and they had this thing called winterum. And so it's like for a month, we didn't have like regular classes, we would dive deep into a specific study. So I took Spanish, so my parents let me go to Mexico, and we did a service trip. And we stayed in this city called Quiretro, and we went to this place called El Puente de Esperanza, it's called the Bridge of Hope. And it was a place where women and their children could come. The women and the children would stay there, the children would go to school, and the moms would stay and learn a trade that they could then take back to their city and use it to, you know, make money for their family and stuff like that. So we were there and we would like take care of the kids and help around and stuff. I really don't remember what we did. We were there for three weeks. I don't remember what we did. I just remember playing with the kids. So I'm sure we did other stuff.

DJ McCoy 24:21

Just babysitting. Yeah, we played with the kids.

Khalila McCoy 24:24

I remember walking them to school. I remember exploring the town. Um, I'm sure we did other things, but that was what is important to me at the time. But the biggest impact was at the end of that three weeks that we were there, it was actually the end of one of the cycles. So the women invited us back to their town. They were from a town called San Il Defonso, and they wanted us to come and see them at the market and they're selling their wares and just see their houses and stuff. And when we went, it was like a desert, like the area. And like it was bare. There was like I don't know. It looked like, you know, when you watch the movies and it's like that weird town in Mexico where like, yeah, people come out and like the Western. Rango, Rango, like it was, it was not what I thought it'd be more of a town town, but it was like, and then like shacks. And I just remember one of the little boys, Juan, he showed us his house and he was so excited. He was so proud to show us this like tiny shack that they didn't have a bathroom in the house. There, the bathroom was outside. It was like a hole in the ground, like this wood covering that looked like it would fall over in the wind. Their house was tiny. Um, there was wild dogs running around and stuff like that. And, you know, as an American in a middle class family, like this was definitely like, you know, me looking at them like, oh, this is this is sad. This is like you're so poor type of situation. But like he was so proud of what he had, right? And he was so excited to share it. And then I remember going to the market and the women were so excited to see us, and they were giving us their things for free. Like I still have a um, a little blanket type shaw thing um that's in our living room. And they gave it to us for free. And I remember thinking, like, you're supposed to be using this for money, so you can, you know, have money and things like that. And they're like, oh no, we want you to have this. We're so happy you were here. Thank you for coming. And, you know, they wanted to give us food, they wanted to give us jewelry, they wanted to give us clothes. And I just was, you know, that was my first experience seeing poverty, I think. Well, seeing poverty. And then, but they were so willing to give and to share. And I went, I had been around a lot of people who had money, a lot of affluent people who, you know, never once offered anything, or, you know, who never were like, oh yeah, well, uh, what's mine is yours. Like, let's let's share this together. Let's give, let's do this. So it was just interesting that one of my, you know, my my parents are very giving and caring. So I had them as role models. But I think one of my big first experiences of somebody really showing true hospitality and care came from people who, you know, didn't have much to give, but they were excited to do it and excited to share. And like I said, I was a junior in high school, and that moment has stayed with me and it's been a part of kind of how I see the world, I guess. It reminds me not to judge people based off of their circumstances or where they live or, you know, race, religion, whatever. And it also reminds me that when I have something, if I come across somebody who needs it, or if I'm just want to be nice, because I didn't need any of the things that they gave me that day. Um, they just wanted to show kindness and love. So that has been a big part of my life of remembering just like always show kindness and love, always give without expecting something in return. And like I said, you don't know anybody's situation. And no matter your situation, you can always show love and be joyful. So, like I said, life lessons can come when you least expect it. Because I wasn't expecting to go there and have this memory that would last my whole entire life. I just, you know, was going on this journey with some friends from high school and was gonna go see their town, but it ended up impacting me way more than I ever thought it would. So I think, and that's a moment too, right, that I could have easily passed on and not let that stay with me. It could have just been like, oh, well, cool. Like this lady gave me a blanket, like whatever. But the fact that I allowed myself to kind of slow down and see more into it, I think was really important and cool. And I'm sure there's moments right in life that are just as profound that I might have missed, but I'm glad that I had that one.

DJ McCoy 29:14

Yeah. Well you never know when when these um when these moments come or when they on the road, but I do think just your heart and the way you are got you to even be able to experience that moment. Like, you know, God kind of lays our steps based off our heart. So you know, you was able to some ways God teaches about humanity. It's like you just gotta experience it. You just gotta experience it. I know um you know kind of about like where I'm from and stuff, and you know, I I vouch for crazy ghetto places because I'm like, no, it's uh it's real hard there. It's like people without nothing. But they willing to share, they willing to make room and they don't know room. Like it's just like some of the things that um some people who we would perceive have nothing monetarily, they really rich. Like they really like really, really, really rich. Like super rich. And uh and then I've been surprised in places where I thought it was supposed to be all peaches and nights and bells and whistles and some wild stuff happened. I'd be like, I was not expecting you know, so um God has a way of intimately teaching us these lessons, like for us, per for us to get it. For like that wasn't for everybody, like uh that was for God to teach you about people in that in that moment at that age, and through that opportunity, and you know, um I don't think you would have quite got it just being in Toledo and Akron in Ohio, like you know, that opportunity awarded you this uh see, you know, real humanity, not like where you're not from is real humanity, but like you got to see something different, something more uh like interesting, you know, something that spoke to your heart. So and I'm happy you had that moment because you know you know I just appreciate your heart. And um and it really shaped you in terms of that's how God would have us look at people, not to judge them based off what they have. Like it's really one of his principles, and I think he got got that message to you early enough, knowing you was about to do more things, be around, way more prominent, see different things, like so you wouldn't be jaded by you know what you posed to see versus like what you actually experience.

Khalila McCoy 31:42

Yeah, that's one of my one of my favorite memories. All right, number five. Number five is uh when I am my true self, I am my best self. So we have heard episodes on here where you know, coaches and people have talked about self-love and be who you are and things like that. And I think that it's really easy to sometimes forget who you are in the sense that you're either trying to fit into a group or trying to be like other people or trying to be what you perceive the world, right, wants you to be, or look like or do like or act like. So I've learned kind of a lot through other people, which is I think is so important, like with this show, right? I always tell people to listen to someone else's story, listen louder. Because I think a lot of things about being true to who you are, I've actually learned from watching other people, not necessarily my own experiences. Um my mom and dad were great when I grew up building my self-confidence and who I was and who I am, you know, things like that. So that wasn't anything that I ever really struggled with, but I think I saw a lot of other people struggle with that and question who they were or like, you know, change who they were because they were with this person, or, you know, especially girls, like when she's dating him, she's this person. When she's dating him, she's a different person. So I think I learned that from watching other people and kind of seeing, you know, because I what I don't want to do, but also like positive situations where I see where I do want to, you know, do the right thing. So I don't think that I've ever really stepped out of who I was and wasn't true to myself. No, yeah, there were times where maybe I should have said something where I didn't because I didn't want to make waves, or there are probably times where, you know, I laughed off something that really bothered me, like, you know, normal, small things like that. But I've always been confident in like who Khalila is. I think I'm a really nice person and a really cool person, but I know there's a lot of power in that. And I've talked to people about that. And I've had people who have said to me, like, you know, I'm encouraged by your self-confidence and how you carry yourself and go through life. And it's honestly, like I said, it's just things that my mom and dad taught me, or things that I've seen other people do, or who have warned me about like, make sure you do this and X, Y, and Z. And I've also been blessed to be around um really good people who encourage me and say speak positively into my life. So then they'll say, you know, okay, you're really good at this, like keep it up, keep doing that. So it helps me kind of stay on the right track. So I guess with that, like being true to myself is not only just living out what's best for me, but also being that encouragement for others, which I like I said, I like to help. So that's part of who I am and continuing that. And if I'm ever in a space that doesn't appreciate that or I'm asked to compromise who I am or something like that, I would be able to not do that because like I know who I am and I feel confident in that.

DJ McCoy 35:10

That's interesting. That's good. Well, I would, you know, I'm probably your biggest advocate for you being your true self. I think the world needs a lot more of Khalila true self. I really love your spirit and the way you do life. And um, I know this is something that I have struggled with. Not in a sense, like I definitely know my true self. So a lot of what I deal with now, so is shedding off my true self, you know, really conforming fully to Christ.

Khalila McCoy 35:43

Yeah, just like knowing I guess by true self, I mean like knowing who you are, right? Knowing where your boundaries are, knowing what your non-negotiables are, knowing what you believe in, knowing almost like your code of how you act and how you behave and who you present to others. And yeah, in different situations, you might have to act accordingly, right? But not to the point that person A is like, oh, I know Khalila. Person B is like, oh, that's not the Khalila I know. Like I want them both to know like this is this is who she is and this is where she stands. And like obviously at work in a professional setting, you know, those people might know me different than like, you know, my friend who sees me at home, right? I'm more relaxed and a little bit different in that way. But I'm still at my core who I am. It's not wishy-washy, it's not fake, it's not disingenuous. Was that the word? Is that a word? Disingenuous. Disingenuous disingenuous. There we go. Yeah. So yeah. So just being your choose out. I think that can be hard for some people, and depending on, you know, their situation and stuff, and obviously no judgment, but I think that's a place where you want to be, where you want to get to. And, you know, I just in my uh previous episode, I had a lady who talked about like dating, right? Even in the dating world. Like if you don't know who you are, if you don't love yourself, like how can you expect others to love you and treat you well if you don't treat yourself well, if you don't know what you want and stuff like that. So I think that was a big thing. Like when we first started dating, you know, I told you, I was like, this is who I am. But not in like a weird way, but it was just like I knew what I wanted. I knew who I was.

DJ McCoy 37:31

Probably like why to the degree. Probably likewise.

Khalila McCoy 37:34

Yeah, I think we both came into it like having a very confident view of who we were and what we believed and what we wanted moving forward. And it takes time to get there, I think. Some people get there earlier in life. Um, but yeah.

DJ McCoy 37:48

And on what we looking forward to too. Like, you know, a lot of those early dialogues, like the way I see it is like this. All right, I can see it like that. I can see it like that. Oh, I cannot see it like that.

Khalila McCoy 38:03

You know, so well, I think even with that, like it's important to know that even in being your true self, like you can't evolve, right? You can grow and you can change and rewrite that story. So it's not like you're stuck and fixed in this one person. You're like, oh, this is who I was at 20. This is who I have to be, because Khalila said I have to be my true self. Like you should be growing and evolving, evolving and changing and learning different things as you go through different experiences and meet different people. So, and again, it's not like it's you're this 180. And it might be depending on where you started. I don't know, your life, like depending on where you started, you might need a 180, but it might just be, you know, different views that you had before now that you've had these experiences. Maybe you aren't so closed-minded on certain things, or maybe, like I said, you're willing to try stuff. And I think that can be hard for people, right? They talk a lot about people as they grow and change and develop, like old friends start to walk away because they're like, oh, we don't even know who you are anymore. But if you're truly making a pro a positive growth or a positive change, then I mean that's when you find out who your real friends are and who's for you, right? So I think there's a lot that goes into it.

DJ McCoy 39:16

Ultimately, and I think um I maybe could speak for both of us. Like a lot of our true self is we just trying to, you know, line that up with Christ. So it's like, you know, we're gonna get different positions, we're gonna be in different places, we're gonna meet different people, but you know, like how we're treating people, whether it be kindness or right, that's not gonna change. Yeah, like that, you know, that's that's what we don't want to not look like, you know. That's what we don't want to be out here is being the anti-fruit of the spirit, you know. Like we want to be, you know, in line with how our Lord tell us to live. And that's why I say, you know, that's why we can use more K spirit out here, and you and you, you know, I believe you've impacted hundreds, if not thousands, of students already. You're starting to get some of that reciprocal, um I will say some of that gardening. You put in some work a long time ago and getting some of the invites to the high school graduations and stuff, being from a kindergarten teacher, like to have an impact like that. And a lot of that is like just how you ran the classroom, how you treated the children like little people, how you listened to them, like you know, some things I feel like I can be proud of of you know, and how you how you put your work in. Like it's it's fun watching you do your thing.

Khalila McCoy 40:39

Well, your support goes into my next one, number six. The family and friends that I choose are very important. And I put family and friends in there and put the word choice as in choose because typically you don't think of your family as a choice. Um and it's not really, right? But you get who you get. Um but I think especially at this stage in your in my life, you know, like I'm 40 now, which is so weird to say. I can choose who I get to, you know, I get to choose who I spend the most of my time with. Like when you're a kid, you don't really get a choice. You have your mom and your dad, and obviously through this, I'm not advocating like dump your family or anything like that. But I do know again through this podcast and through people I've talked to, like not everybody has the supportive, healthy family. And sometimes you do have to separate from that so you can grow and so you can just so you can live life pretty much, depending on the situation that you are in. So I think it's important that just because they're your family, if they're treating you wrong or things aren't going well, doesn't mean like you have to stay in that horrible bad situation. I've been blessed with a really great family. Like I said, my mom and my dad were really close. I talk to them pretty much every day. Talk to them about anything and everything. I love that. Um, you know, my siblings, we've had an interesting relationship. They're older than me. Um, we're not as close as I would love us to be, but I think we're working on, you know, certain things in our relationship there. But if it was, you know, Lauren was an evil, toxic person to me, then I wouldn't talk to her. I wouldn't spend that time with her. I would still love her and care for her, but I would have to separate myself. Luckily, she's not like that. So we can grow in our relationship as adults. And then I do have, I think my whole life, I've had some really good friends. And I have friends that I've been friends with since, you know, elementary school who are still my friends today. And I've had friends that I met, you know, as I say, for a season and a reason, right? Who are really close, who I thought I would be friends with for forever. That I've never had like a big fallout with friends or anything, like just kind of like a fade off, right? You just life gets busy and you kind of move away from them or they stop talking to you. But it's not I haven't had like a big blowout fight or anything like that. But I think even in those relationships that I don't have anymore, I learned a lot and grew a lot and they supported me when I needed that. But like I said, I have friends who I know today, like I know who I could call right now and who would have my back if I needed something or if I needed to talk to. And I know that they would give me good advice, right? That's the big thing too. Like some people have someone who you can call, but do you really want to call that person? Um and then I think those people who I know who I could count on, they also know that they could count on me too. And that just adds a little, you know, a little more peace to life when you have the right people around you. I know, like when I was struggling. Back to teaching. Like, I had some really tough years where you know I had a coworker who was really mean to me, or I had, you know, a situation where I was like, is this what I'm supposed to do? And am I a good teacher? And it was, you know, my friends who really spoke life into me and were like, hey, like, you are on the right path. You're doing the right thing. It's just tough right now. Like, don't give up. Don't give in. So um, like I said, I could have if you have the wrong people around you, they're gonna say the wrong things. Or if you have people who aren't really there for you, right, you get into jealousy and things like that, and they start to speak down on you. So I've never had situations like that with, like I said, with people who I chose to continue my life with, right? I've had people who have been mean to me and who who seem like they were friends at first, I guess I should say, who seem like they could be, but I never actually got to the point of calling them friends because you can tell pretty early on who is, you know, interested in being a part of your life in that way. So I think it's important, but I could have chosen that person, right? I could have decided, like, hey, she's so cool though. I really want to be friends with her, I really want to hang out with her, or like the benefits of being around her, or something like that, right? And I could have decided, like, oh yeah, she is a friend. But I think it's important to choose who you allow yourself to spend the most time with, who you allow to speak into your life, and who you allow to influence you. Family and friends.

DJ McCoy 45:32

I agree. Um And I've I've seen, I've seen, you know, I get to I get to watch you up close, so um and I like it. I like it. I feel like it's I feel like it's in line with how God wants you to live. And I don't think it's you know, allowing you to neglect any of your professional duties or anything like that. But I've seen, and a lot of it is, and I'm surprised we've gotten this far without mentioning our main character in our life. But you know, since the introduction of the the little dude, man, he is um I think for both of us helped really reprioritize everything. Like, along with Corona. So it was this combo of thunder and lightning. Corona and Miles McCoy. And um, and I like to think we came, you know, through that storm, you know, through our storm and bring rain and this growth after that. And I like I like where we are more so after, you know, Corona and getting our our star player, our little dude. But um it's it's been fun to see you even become a mom. You wasn't a mom for the first half of our relationship, and then now you are, and it's it's amazing to watch. Like I think you do well. Hey, your your husband is was too. I'm gonna say was. I'm expecting rest this upcoming season, you know some some better things in that in that regard. But um I like I like where you settle in upon in terms of those those choices and selections in terms of friends and family.

Khalila McCoy 47:17

So um Yeah, and I hope, you know, hopefully, right? All of these things that I'm sharing will help me be a better mom and can instill some of these lessons into Miles because you know, we are quote unquote older parents. So I do get to share some of this with not Miles and not necessarily even share with them, but just hopefully live it out because I do feel like a lot of what I experienced wasn't just the conversations, right? It was more watching. It was seeing, like I said, seeing the little kid be excited about sharing his life with us or seeing people and talking with people helps a lot, but it's really that action that I notice the most. All right, we are off to number seven. This is my final one. This is probably my favorite one, and it kind of goes along with everything about my personality and who I am and this podcast as well. But my last one is give your advantage away. So I guess this is more advice, but this is something that I've learned to give my advantage away. And so there's a story that goes with this.

DJ McCoy 48:38

Everything has a story. This is interesting. I'm uh interesting. Go ahead.

Khalila McCoy 48:45

So, okay, so it comes from a place of I so and I have this say, I have a disclaimer. So in a previous episode, I had said that we talked about people pleasing, right? And I was like, oh, you know, I kind of fall into people pleasing sometime. And I was talking to my mom and my dad about that episode, and my mom's like, you're not really a people pleaser. And we were talking about all the reasons why I wasn't a people pleaser. And she's like, you just, you know, you don't allow certain things to bother you, and you really like, again, to help people and to you care about their needs and things like that, but you don't like put yourself down to raise somebody up, type of thing. And so that's kind of where this comes in because my whole life, like I feel like, you know, not to toot my own horn, but I've I'm a pretty nice person, a genuinely caring person. And I do want to see other people win. I do want to see other people rise. I do want to see other people do well. So there's certain things like people are people, right? Like I'm pretty good at noticing, like, okay, this is just who so-and-so is, this is how they act, and this is how I move around them. Like, again, still my true self, but understanding that this is how I deal with this person and this is how they deal with life. And um, I've had a lot of times where people have been like, you know, why do you spend time with that person, or why do you let this person act that way? Or isn't that doesn't that make you angry, or doesn't that make you mad? Or even when we first started dating, right? You would just be like, Why do you let people walk all over you? Or why do you do this and why do you do that?

DJ McCoy 50:16

Don't be talking, don't be talking up.

Khalila McCoy 50:19

But I really struggled with that because I didn't see it that way. I just saw it as me caring for I never felt that someone was getting over on me, right? In that sense, I never was angry about certain things because certain things just didn't bother me, or I was okay with giving up of myself in that moment for that person to have that joy or whatever they needed, right? Um, but it didn't take away anything from me. And it was, it's see, even now, like it's hard to explain exactly what I mean by that.

DJ McCoy 50:53

But um yeah.

Khalila McCoy 50:56

So, but people would always question it and be like, you know, how do you do that? Why are you doing this? Like, be tougher, be more assertive, blah, blah, blah. And I would try to, and then I would feel like crap because I was like, I don't like acting this way.

DJ McCoy 51:09

That's not who I am.

Khalila McCoy 51:11

Like, I feel mean. I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. Obviously, as I've gotten older, I've gotten a little bit more certain, I've done different things and had to grow in certain ways. But you become a mom. Overall. Oh, yeah, don't mess with my baby. But overall, I think I'm still that person, right? But it was still a lot of that questioning. So again, this happened when I was young, and I don't remember. My dad used to listen to the radio a lot when we were kids, like driving in the car. And he was listening to um like the sports, they were interviewing a coach. And I don't know who the coach was, and I I can't find it. I've tried to look for it. But the coach was talking about how he would get like a lot of players from either overseas or inner city um schools or something like that. And he would really set that kid up for success, and he would really like teach them all the things they need to know, get them food, get them in a situation where they needed to be, and then they would be successful and like their full talent could come out. And then he would, you know, that kid would leave and go to like a better school or a better team or you know, whatever. And the interviewer asked the coach, like, how do you feel about that? Like you're doing all this for these people, they're taking advantage of you. Like, how do you feel about that? And I'll never forget the coach, and then I say I never forget, but I don't remember the exact wording, but the coach looked at him and he said, They can't take advantage of me because I'm giving the advantage away. And that, like, even as a kid, I remember like that stayed with me so strong. And I was like, that is me. Like, and that is who I want to be. Like, I am not giving to people from this sense of like loss or struggle, right? I am in a I am fully me, and I am giving from a place of abundance. I want you to succeed, I want you to grow, I want you to be your best self. So that is why I do the things I do. So you can't take anything from me because I'm giving it freely to you. And that just made me so happy. Like having that moment. I was like, yes, somebody who gets me. Like, and that is something that I always, you know, want to be. And you know, I'm not wealthier by any means, but if I can give somebody money to help them, I would love to. If I can, just be kind or just, you know, sometimes just a smile. Like I can't tell you, like going to Walmart and telling some strange lady that I like her hair, like the way they light up is like, what? Like no one's ever complimented you before. It's just little stuff like that, or you know, if I do have to take a backseat so you can move forward, like my backseat still gets me where I need to go, right? So I don't, it doesn't bother me. Um so yeah, um, just that idea of giving your advantage away. I think we all have something, right, that we can give that we can do to help others to succeed, to help them rise, as we like to say in those podcasts. And I think that is really where this comes from. Like the stories that we tell, the life that we live, we all have something that somebody out there needs to hear, to see, to believe in. And we all have an advantage that we can give away. So we should do that and do it freely and with joy. So that's my seventh one. Give your advantage away.

DJ McCoy 54:41

Great, great, great way to end. I have I have a bunch of thoughts, but I still don't even know my role in this episode. I think like she just wanted me up here so she can feel comfortable to, you know, talk about some of these um, I'll gonna say some personal things she given to y'all, man. I watched her do some of these things. And listening to your number seven, uh, also too, was kind of put into people like to try to put me into this people-pleasing thing. But it's like, you know, we I don't know. It's just it's just interesting um that I feel like we we have this little another little thing that we have in common. It's just actually a way of life that we do. Um if we find out about an advantage or saving money, like we're gonna tell you. We're gonna like if there's a better way and you and our spirit influence, like, we're gonna share that with you. Like, there's no we don't do no little weird gatekeeping or I don't know. So it was fun hearing you encourage other people to give your advantage away. And um because I'm and you never know how that shows up, whether that be um Yeah, that's true. Like, shout out to the ladies last the that thing in the charter. They was giving their advantages away. They was telling us what was helping them and they marriages and how they got to where they got. Best believe it was not as fun to get to them conclusions as it was for them to just be able to kind of spell it out. But a lot of it is helping the youth catch up. That's a lot of what Real McCoy TV is like. You don't have to jump over them same hurdles or even be curious about them or even be nervous about them. Here go the answers. Now make your choice. Like, you know, here this is this is what this route gonna do this with, this route gonna do this with really choose your choice, you know. So um, but yeah, you know, I'm uh I'm a huge fan of you, babe. So I like how you do things. I had um I had a little a little more, but let's let's go. I still, like I said, I don't know what my role in, and then she just had me in between her questions too.

Khalila McCoy 56:50

I was sharing with you as I share with them my my seven things.

DJ McCoy 56:57

But yeah, um, and then all also like even um all I would also say look at your advantage and not to get gloomy. Um but look at your advantage of something like maybe even a hardship. So I like I grew up in a crazier, tougher area where you know people didn't talk nice or different things. So like sometimes I was just accustomed to how people talk, like accustomed to mean people. You learn how to move around that, you learn how to deal with, you know, a little bit more challenging people, and then you can you can use that to help people. Likewise, when I get um, the Lord favors me a lot. Sometimes I'm not the head leader, but I'm usually favored somewhere close to top command, second or third. I can then teach the other people around how I got here. You can do these things too and get the same type of respect and get the same type of results. You know, it's just it's not a mystery. Do these things, this will work, this will don't work. You know, I'll I don't know. But that's just kind of how we McCoys like to do life, you know.

Khalila McCoy 57:59

So um Yeah, just looking out for other people. Imagine a world where we all just helped each other.

DJ McCoy 58:08

And not and not giving off of um what you said, I like that giving um based off of a loss and struggle or something like that. I forgot exactly how you worded it.

Khalila McCoy 58:18

Oh, like it's not like you're empty. You're giving from a place of abundance.

DJ McCoy 58:22

Yeah. You're not giving to being something for yourself. Yeah. I've been I've been blessed enough to have people who was over me who did nothing but pour into me. Thank God that he chose that history for me. But some of us come against adversity where there's some envy from somebody older than you and making hardships and different things. So, you know, when you get these different positions and places, like when you share with people, let it be for nothing in return, other than it's just the right thing to do. It's just the right thing to do.

Khalila McCoy 58:56

Perfect. Okay, well, do you have a final question for me that all guests get asked on this podcast?

DJ McCoy 59:04

Now that you now that we've heard from you.

Khalila McCoy 59:09

You can't say why you're laughing.

DJ McCoy 59:12

You should have just winked or something.

Khalila McCoy 59:15

Well, we're just sitting here silent for like two minutes.

DJ McCoy 59:19

I told you I didn't all right. Now that we've heard from you, what is it that you want the listeners to take away that can help them rise in their own lives?

Khalila McCoy 59:30

Thank you for asking that question. So I wrote down what I wanted to say. So this was actually a hard question. I asked all my guests this. So thank you to my guests for answering this because I had to really think about it because I shared, you know, seven things. So I wrote down what I wanted to say. And I think my overall takeaway that I want people to have to help them rise is the things that I shared today aren't groundbreaking. You've probably heard them or lived them or learned them in your own way, but these lessons have shaped who I am and who I'm becoming. And my hope is that you take a moment to think about who you truly are and who you truly want to be. And it doesn't matter if you're 22 or you're 92. Like you said, we're all growing and evolving and changing, so you can always take a moment to reflect and look at your experiences, the good, the hard, the unexpected, and let them help push you towards becoming someone that you're proud of and someone who is always rising and pulling up others so they can rise as well.

DJ McCoy 1:00:46

That was that was great, man. Look, y'all, if y'all do listen, if y'all reflect on these seven things, you will rise. For real. These are seven good things, baby. Good work. Good work.

Khalila McCoy 1:00:58

Thank you. And thank you for talking with me today.

DJ McCoy 1:01:04

I got you. I got you. I got you till we go, baby.

Khalila McCoy 1:01:10

All right, y'all. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I had fun sharing a little bit more about who I am and what makes me tick. Again, I want to encourage you to reflect on your own life as well. Take some time and make your list. If you were to do an episode like this, what would you say? What are seven things that have shaped who you are today? And what are the stories or experiences that align with that? And who knows, maybe you're able to actually get 10 or 40 or however old you are. Can you make a list of those things? And you know me. I love to hear what you come up with. There are several ways that you could share with me. Send me an email at WhereWeRisepod, all one word at gmail.com. You can leave a message on our YouTube community page where everyone can learn from you. Or you can DM me on Instagram at WhereWeRisePod. I can't wait to learn more about you. And if you're not comfortable sharing your story yet, I'd still love to hear from you. Feel free to give some feedback on this episode or any episodes you've listened to. Drop me a line in one of the ways I mentioned, or I would really appreciate it if you would take the time to rate the show. Most of you are Apple Podcast listeners. So if you scroll to the bottom of this podcast page, you can give up to a five-star rating and leave a review. It would mean a lot to me to have you support the show in this way. Okay, that's all from me for now. I look forward to spending time with you again next week. But until then, as you move through the rest of your day, I hope you take a moment to listen a little louder to yourself, to the people you love, and to the things that connect us and ways and sometimes forget to notice. I'll meet you back here next time. See ya bye.