18 | "There Will Be Roadblocks" | Understanding Internal Resistance

Why do we get stuck, lose motivation, or avoid the very things we say we want? In this powerful episode, international speaker and author Kam Knight breaks down the psychology of internal resistance — the hidden mental blocks that keep us from taking action, reaching our goals, and living out our purpose.

Kam explains how internal resistance shows up as fear, procrastination, perfectionism, over‑planning, avoidance, or constantly jumping from idea to idea. He shares why the brain can create a desire and simultaneously stop us from pursuing it, and how deeper patterns like habits, comfort zones, authority issues, and identity shape our behavior without us realizing it.

You’ll learn:

• What internal resistance really is
• How the brain blocks progress even when you’re motivated
• Why fear, avoidance, and distraction are symptoms — not the root cause
• How childhood patterns and subconscious beliefs influence your actions
• Practical steps to overcome resistance and move forward

Kam doesn’t leave us with excuses — he gives clear, actionable strategies to help you break through mental blocks and finally take the steps you’ve been avoiding.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I just do the thing?” this episode will help you understand what’s happening in your mind and how to rise above it.

Khalila's Self-Talk Statement

 “My home is a calm, organized space. Everything has a place it belongs, and I take a moment to put things back. Even when life feels full, I slow down and choose order, keeping my mind and spirit clear.” 

What do you think? Share yours here!

Connect with Kam

website: KamKnight.com

email: coaching@kamknight.com

Connect with Khalila

Instagram:  @wherewerisepod

Email: WhereWeRisePod@gmail.com

Transcript

Khalila McCoy 0:00

Hey, I'm Khalila McCoy, and this is the podcast that your future self will thank you for listening to. This is where we ride. Hi, it's so good to have you with me here today. It's June, and even though I'm on summer break with my fellow teachers, I want to stay motivated and keep moving forward, personally and professionally. And honestly, this is the episode that gives me the kick I need. If you haven't listened to episode 17 yet, I encourage you to check it out. We talk about finding your purpose. And I love that this episode comes right after it because it brings us into the reality that sometimes we don't have the motivation to live out that purpose. And we don't always know why. On our journey to accomplish things in life, we can lose focus. There are things we want to do, things we know we should do, but for some reason, we just can't seem to do them. My guest today, Kam Knight, calls that internal resistance. In our conversation, Kam explains that internal resistance is the part of the mind that stops us from taking action, even when we want to, even when we know how, and even when we're motivated. He talks about how resistance shows up as fear, avoidance, perfectionism, over planning, procrastination, or even jumping from one idea to the next without ever finishing anything. Kam hits on some real stuff today, but he doesn't leave us with excuses. He gives us practical steps to help us move from awareness into action. So let's get into what internal resistance looks like, how it shows up, and how understanding it helps us move forward. All right. And when I was looking for guests to be on my show, you kind of shared a little bit about what that was and the questions that come up around that. So I'm gonna let you just jump in and share with us what is internal resistance. And then also if you can let us know why this is a topic of interest to you.

Kam Knight 2:23

All right, perfect. So first just introduce myself and I'll talk about why this topic of is of interest, and then a little bit about what internal resistance is, and then we'll just go from there. How's that sound? Perfect. Yeah. Perfect. So my name is Kam Knight. I'm a coach, international speaker, and author of a dozen books in the area of mental, physical, and emotional performance. And now I talk about a concept called internal resistance, which answers a question I had my entire life, and that is why is it if I want to do something, I know what to do, I know how to do it, and I have the motivation and desire to do it, but for one reason or another, I can't or don't do it. Now at the time, there were no clear answers that I was coming across. The best answers I came across were you need motivation or discipline, or you may have limiting beliefs. And although motivation, discipline, and beliefs are all part of the equation, I always felt like there was more to it. And over the last 15 to 20 years, that question lingered in my mind. Every time I felt stuck, I wondered why. Why can't I get stuff done? Why do I keep spinning my wheels? Why don't I just do this dang thing so I can get the result that I want?

Khalila McCoy 3:49

Right.

Kam Knight 3:49

And the more books I read, coaching I did, and seminars I attended, the more I learned about the complexities of the human brain. And over time, unknown to me, my mind was assimilating all this stuff I was learning. And out of nowhere I had this aha moment or epiphany where I was like, wait a minute, there's a part of our mind built to keep us from growing. There's a part of our mind designed to keep us from making progress. And I call this part internal resistance, and it's this brick wall that we hit anytime that we want to do something, but we can't, no matter how much we want to do it. But prior to that, I was a fairly driven individual. And what I try to say is it's hard not to be living in this time, particularly in this culture and particularly in this society, where there's so much personal development content, and more or less everyone is telling you to do more and be your best self. And as a result, I've always wanted to do more and have more in life. And although I had my fair share of success, I felt like I missed the mark, or the success was much more difficult than it needed to be. And again, I wondered why. Why is it if I want to do something and I know how to do it and I have the desire to do it, but for one reason or another, I can or don't do it. And more or less this question always lingered in my mind as why? Why can I do this? Why am I stuck? Why am I not able to move forward? And I would see people succeeding and barely having any issues with the same thing that I was, yet I had all these challenges. And then so I kind of went on an exploratory journey that kind of lasted a long time until I had that aha moment. But I will say, you know, growing up, I had parents who had high expectations and low support. So there's a quadrant. Okay. Parents with high expectation and high support, low expectation, low support, low expectations, high support, and I was on the quadrant of high expectation, low support. Okay. And not only that, but as I was growing up, because I had low support, my parents weren't around. So I grew up on television. Unfortunately, as I was growing up, the conclusion that my mind made was that my self-worth, my likability, and all that were dependent on the external, how much money I had, the job, all of that. And so I had a lot of drive to be successful. And in high school, I wanted to do well enough to go to an I leave col IB League College. And although that didn't happen, I wanted to graduate the college I did go to in into a prestigious firm. And although that didn't happen, I got a decent job. So my life had always been these high aspirations. And like I said, although I had my fair share of success, more often than not, I missed the mark. And it was that question that kept lingering.

Khalila McCoy 7:16

So when you talk about you would get stuck, what did that look like or feel like for you? Was it, because I know you talked about um not having that support for your parents, was it more just not knowing how to get to that next level? Or was it a physical, like almost like feeling of, okay, I I can't do this?

Kam Knight 7:35

Yeah. So resistance shows up in a lot of ways. Okay. And a lot of times resistance can show up in fear. So a lot of when I tell people I teach internal resistance, the first thing that goes in their mind, because they're trying to figure out what's causing us to not move forward, they say fear. And I'm like, well, fear is a manifestation of resistance. So if there's fear, there's something going on internally that's stopping us, and it's using fear to stop us. And that fear can be a wide spectrum. It can be anything from, you know, minor anxiety to flat out terror. And the word terror might be a kind of do people really feel that? Well, imagine someone who's afraid of um public speaking and they have to give a speech. They feel terror. And so that is holding them back. But resistance can show up other ways as well. One is that a person will fall into a lot of avoidance behavior, such as television, social media, video games, maybe if they're old enough, drinking and and smoking and things of that nature.

Khalila McCoy 8:46

Yeah.

Kam Knight 8:47

And then it can also show up in other ways, such as over planning, perfectionism, um, putting things off, waiting for a particular moment to do things. And then it can also show up in a shiny object syndrome where a person jumps from one thing to another. So they get excited about one thing, they're starting and they're making progress, and then their mind creates a desire for something else. Then they jump to the next thing. And as they're making progress, their mind creates a desire for something else. And as they're jumping from one thing or another, they're not making progress in any of them. And so that's another way resistance shows up. Because we're not making progress, resistance wins. So how I showed up for me was really all of them. You know, it would fall into our avoidance behavior, such as the social media and and all that. I fell into creative avoidance where I am doing things that make it seem like I'm making progress, but it's creatively avoiding what I really should be doing and can get results. And then it showed up in, you know, my mind wandering and uh anxiety, fear, all of that. And it meant it depended on, you know, what I was doing and what I was trying to achieve.

Khalila McCoy 10:15

Mm-hmm. This is interesting. You already have me in my own mind thinking, like, okay, like what what is mine? What am I avoiding? What am I thinking of? What are my fears? So okay. So pretty much there's kind of like this underlying issue or problem that either the person's not either aware of or dealing with. So all these other things are grabbing their or they're letting all these other things take up their time because they haven't, you know, dealt with that. So then what is that next step?

Kam Knight 10:45

So the first step, before getting to the next step, is to kind of understand how resistance plays out. So the part of the brain that creates wants and desires works separate from the part that actually allows us to act on that desire. So we have one part of the brain creating wants, and in many ways, this part of the brain is understrained. It was never meant to see if a want was worth going after and pursuing. Its only job is to create want, and in a lot of ways, it's kind of on a rampage, creating all sorts of wants, pulling on us in all sorts of directions. And then we have another part of the brain, which I call resistance, and this is a part that checks to see if a want is worth going after or pursuing. Now, if this part doesn't give the green light, then we cannot act. And so it's really important to understand that it's possible for the brain to both create a desire for something and at the same time keep us from going after it. So if anyone's ever experienced that tug of war where they want to do this thing, but they're not able to, it's because of this dynamic that's going on. Right. So the next step is understanding how resistance works. So resistance doesn't all out of nowhere stop you from doing something. There's usually a reason why. And the way this plays out is anytime a decision, course of action, or option stands before you, it gets evaluated by this part of the brain using a whole host of criteria. And if that decision, want, or desire is not in line with any of the criteria, it will prevent action. So it helps to think about standing before a panel of judges or board of directors. Every decision that comes up must go through them. And if even one of the members is against the idea, it will not pass.

Khalila McCoy 12:47

Okay.

Kam Knight 12:47

And so now the next step is understanding well, what are the criteria? What is a checklist resistance is going through to decide if we should do something or not? And this is where a lot of our answers lie. Some of the more common reasons include things like beliefs, habits, and comfort zone.

Khalila McCoy 13:06

Okay.

Kam Knight 13:07

I say common because it's what's what gets talked about a lot in personal development. And I'll just quickly go through what I mean by that. So if we believe something is not possible, of course, resistance is going to keep us from going after it.

Khalila McCoy 13:20

Yeah.

Kam Knight 13:20

If what we're trying to do goes against our habit, resistance will fight with our effort to keep us in line with habits. And if what we're trying to do pushes us out of our comfort zone, then that's also going to create resistance. So if we're trying to do something that goes out of our comfort zone, and and if a person is sensitive to wanting to if their brain is more comfortable with the familiar, resistance will kick in and then trigger the fear to keep them in their comfort zone. Right. So I don't want people to think that fear is a reason of resistance. It's one of the ways resistance manifests. These are some of the more common reasons that get talked about, but there's a lot more deeper stuff that's going on that doesn't get talked about, like authority issues. Authority issues relate to our unconsciously held attitudes toward authority figures such as parents, principals, priests, police officers, and even personal development coaches like ourselves. And I'm going to extend that definition to anyone who tells you or makes you feel obligated to do something. And to understand authority issues, I'll share a quick story. I knew someone whose parents always nagged him about cleaning his room. They nagged and pestered him so much that he became spiteful towards them and unknowingly carried that spite for decades. So as a result, when he was an adult, he lived a messy life simply out of spite. He didn't know why until he saw a therapist that his messy lifestyle was triggered by his parents from two decades ago. So he didn't know why he couldn't stay clean or organized no matter how hard he tried. And so this isn't some of the commonly known reasons, such as beliefs, habits, or comfort zone. It relates to something different. And there's so much more criteria that go on that cause us that resist the checklist resistance goes through to help us decide if we should do something or not.

Khalila McCoy 15:40

Yeah, I like that example because it's like that unconscious, right? You're not thinking about it, but it is still holding you back and you're acting on that. But in your mind, there's no reason to why you would be behaving that way.

Kam Knight 15:54

Which is the challenging part about resistance. And one of the challenging aspects of human is there's no direct line of com communication between the conscious and unconscious mind. Much of the unconscious is hidden from us, which is why it's called the unconscious.

Khalila McCoy 16:11

Right, yeah.

Kam Knight 16:12

And so we don't see a lot of activity that's going on that's influencing our thoughts and decisions. All we feel is the inability to do the thing. And this creates a lot of challenge because when we can't do something, oftentimes we start to feel bad. We start to feel like I don't have the motivation, discipline, something's wrong with me, and things of that nature. And then it adds to the challenge. So it it kind of becomes a downward spiral. Which is why I want to bring the topic of resistance out to more people so they can understand when they're able to not do something, it's not because that there's something wrong with them. It's because there's a part of their brain designed to hold them back. And it's really good at holding us back. This part that I call resistance, it's really amazing to the point it has all these tricks I told you about. It'll make us go from one thing to another, it'll go make us fall into avoidance behavior, it'll make us fall into other behaviors that give the illusion of progress when there is no progress. And this is again one of the challenges of the human experience.

Khalila McCoy 17:33

Right. Now, when you're talking about eternal resistance and how the brain has to go through those checklists, I'm assuming that's like the body naturally trying to keep you safe, right? Trying to get the organism you are functioning, right?

Kam Knight 17:46

This is a good question. In a lot of ways, yes. The whole purpose of resistance is to protect us, but it's very nuanced because just saying, well, it's a protection mechanism or defense mechanism doesn't really help us understand what it is protecting us from. Getting into these nuances, such as the beliefs, the habits, the authority issues, helps us understand it better. And when we can identify which part of resistance or which checklist or which item that is not being checked off is affecting our resistance, we can do something about it. Though it's not always our protection because when you look at authority issues, it's Yeah, that's true.

Khalila McCoy 18:29

Yeah.

Kam Knight 18:29

Yeah, because majority of our authority issues hurt no one else but ourselves.

Khalila McCoy 18:34

When we don't listen to our Yeah.

Kam Knight 18:38

When we don't listen to our parents, it doesn't necessarily affect their health, it affects our health. When we don't listen to the teachers, it doesn't necessarily affect their grace, it affects our grace. And so in this respect, when resistance comes up, in a way, it's not so much about protection, it's almost even destructive because, like I said, we're almost harming ourselves to piss off the authorities in our lives. Yeah. And then when we look at habit, habits are designed to keep us in a routine or routine or pattern of behavior. And in their efforts, habits will do everything they can to make sure that we stick to that routine or pattern of behavior. Now habits don't check to see if the routine or pattern of behavior is good or bad. It's whatever we become habituated to doing, it keeps us doing it. And so if we picked unhealthy habits, such as smoking or watching television or drinking, even though it's unhealthy and we know it's unhealthy, and we can see the negative effects of it, we still can't stop doing it because the habits wants to continue that behavior. So in this respect, it's not about protection again. And then there's other reasons for resistance that also isn't about protection. And it there's one that doesn't get talked about, and I love to bring it up, and it's called it's what I call the high. Okay. So to understand the high, I'll ask you a question and let me know if this is something you've ever done. Okay. So did you ever in school not study for an exam? But you still got you still did well and you felt this high, like I didn't have to study, I didn't put as much effort as the other kids, but I still did well.

Khalila McCoy 20:34

Yes.

Kam Knight 20:35

Yeah. So we all had that experience, whether it was in school or outside of school, where we saw a lot of people putting in effort and we got results with less effort. Well, that pattern can get caught in us. Meaning we want to do as little as possible to get maximum benefit to continue having that feeling of I don't have to work as much as the other guy. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And so resistance will keep us from working and trying as hard as the other guy, just so we can keep getting that high. And so now we're not able to do a lot of things and not fully grow and learn and develop because this part of resistance is saying, well, if we put in a lot of effort, then we'll be like the other people who put in a lot of effort. And if we're like the other people who put in a lot of effort, then we can't get this high of being better because we didn't put as much effort. So it's constantly trying to keep us from doing too much. And so that's another reason resistance can come up.

Khalila McCoy 21:44

What do you think about like society then? Because, you know, you always see like those ads on like I'm thinking Instagram of being like, oh, be your own boss, be an entrepreneur, and you only have to work two hours a day and you can be a millionaire. Is that like just society or you know, things play? On that knowledge of how our brain works?

Kam Knight 22:03

A hundred percent. Okay. A hundred percent.

Khalila McCoy 22:06

Yeah.

Kam Knight 22:07

Marketers are really good at understanding psychology. Like if you want to understand human behavior, don't go to psychologists, go to marketers because they understand all of this stuff. And yeah, they play on that thing. And the person who has that high, they're going to be like, yes, that's what I want to do. I want to make that whatever, putting in less hours so I can get that high of not working as much as that the next guy, but getting as much or more results. And and so the authority issue piece, well, marketers use that as well, but they really target it a lot more to kids. Right. Because if you look at a lot of marketing towards kids, it's about resisting parents and what teachers are saying and things like that. So they're really playing into the authority issues of that. Even mainstream music, when you look at a lot of hip-hop music really for the last decade, but prior to hip-hop, glamour rock, classic rock, um, a lot of mainstream music also played on both the high and authority issues of I don't have to work as hard as the next guy, but look how well I'm doing. And two, you can't tell me what to do. And I do believe a lot of the high and authority issues, they kind of seep us, seep into us through mainstream media. Right. Yeah, it it it's either it's a hu human, it's a human quality that kind of gets reinforced through mainstream media, as well as the people we're hanging around, because you know, the cool kids in school tend to have both authority issues and high. And if we want to be cool, we try to emulate them, and if that's their behavior, it seeps into us as well. And there's another reason that isn't really related to protection as well, and that has to do with being different.

Khalila McCoy 24:06

Okay.

Kam Knight 24:06

So I may not have mentioned it in this podcast, but I've traveled to over a hundred countries. And this has yeah, thank you. And this has afforded me this unique uh opportunity to see nuances in different nationalities and cultures, especially the stark differences that is shown in Western culture, especially in the US. And one of the things I've noticed about the culture here is that everyone is trying to be different.

Khalila McCoy 24:38

Yeah.

Kam Knight 24:38

Everyone and their mothers, whether it's by wearing different shoes, different clothes, um, doing a different exercise or a different diet. And again, it's ingrained into us through media because it's usually the guy that's different, quote unquote, that gets the success attention and the girl. Right. And it's also driven into our advertisements because they're always encouraging us to be different by buying their product. And so if a person has identified themselves as different by not doing certain things, then their brain is gonna keep them from doing those things. Does that make sense?

Khalila McCoy 25:24

Yeah.

Kam Knight 25:25

Yeah. And so this can be both helpful, but it can be challenging. Because if a person identifies as not being a nine to five or corporate America or being su a suit, well, if they're presented with an opportunity to have one of those jobs, it's gonna be hard for them to accept it. Even though they might be in a position where they need the money, they do want to grow, and you know, this is the the area they really want to move into, but this need to be different can hold them back. And this different doesn't necessarily mean going against the mainstream, it just means what the people in their inner circle are doing. So if everybody is alternative in their inner circle, then they might want to be different by being mainstream.

Khalila McCoy 26:16

Right.

Kam Knight 26:16

If everyone does yoga, then they'll be like, well, I am different, I do Pilates. If everyone watches Netflix, I'm different because I watch Hulu. And in order to reinforce that difference, resistance, it's gonna prevent them from doing anything that'll keep them from being different. Even things that could be helpful. So if a person identifies as not being a jock or someone who goes to the gym and works out for whatever reason, because they're different, when they are unhealthy and they do want to work out, it's gonna be really tough for them and they won't know why. They don't know what they're pushing against. But it's that part of their brain that's trying to reinforce this identity that they kind of took on, oftentimes unknowingly, and oftentimes a long, long time ago. So what's really interesting about the high authority issues, as well as being different, is that a lot of these things we formed when we're young. And then when we get older and we actually want to move past them, it's kind of hard because it's still running us without us knowing.

Khalila McCoy 27:27

Right. Now you mentioned that like in Western culture, there's a lot of that be different and be unique. In other cultures, is it more like the collective one? And then if it's like that, are you seeing difference in their resistance?

Kam Knight 27:46

That's a very good question. And so every culture has this peculiarities. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. Yeah. As well as their nuances. So it's not just either or where here everyone wants to be different and everyone else is opposite. There's varying degrees of it.

Khalila McCoy 28:04

Okay.

Kam Knight 28:05

And and it doesn't necessarily mean that in other cultures it's more unified or one. It just means that there isn't the strong presence of people trying to be different.

Khalila McCoy 28:16

Right.

Kam Knight 28:17

They're not thinking about being unified. They're not thinking about being different. They're just being they just are, yeah. Yeah. So but here there is a huge, huge. And I think when I say that, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. You can kind of pick it up in the people you know, probably even in yourself. There's been moments where you thought, I don't do that because I'm different, or I don't want to do that because I'm different. So it is very nuanced, um, though it's a lot more extreme here in the US.

Khalila McCoy 28:48

Okay.

Kam Knight 28:49

Yeah.

Khalila McCoy 28:49

Interesting. Okay. So thinking about all of that stuff, how do we escape that? If it's in our society, if it's ingrained with us and we don't even know about it, if it's in media, what can we do to help ourselves get past that resistance to do the thing that we really want to do?

Kam Knight 29:11

Yeah. So one, it does help to understand what our resistances are. And so there's a lot of reasons for our resistance, too much to discuss in this one podcast. But I do have a program that I call Conquerent on our resistance that goes deeper into the other causes of our resistance, but also it talks about how our own wants and desires can keep us from achieving them. And it's hard to imagine that our own wants can keep us from realizing those wants. But I gave one reason as to why that is. If we have a mechanism that's creating all sorts of wants, one after another, where before we can start on one want, it's creating other wants. It's difficult to stick with any to see any results. But there's other reasons for that, and it discusses that. So they can go to KamNight.com and check out my course, Conqueror Internal Resistance, to get more. But there are some easy ways to push through resistance. And one is to understand the tricks of resistance. And I had alluded to some of the tricks, but I'm going to talk about it more formally and directly. So as I mentioned, when resistance stops us, it doesn't tell us it's stopping us. It doesn't say, Khalila, you know this goal of yours? Well, it'll keep us from pissing off the authorities in our lives. So I can't let you do it. It doesn't do that. It manifests other ways. It'll be nice. Yeah. If it told us, it manifests other ways. And as I mentioned, it manifests either in anxiety, the spectrum of fear, so from anxiety to terror, it manifests in avoidance behavior, it manifests in creative avoidance behaviors, and it manifests in other subtle ways. It can actually manifest as sickness and accident. Meaning, if a person's actually making progress and they're pushing through their resistance, resistance will use sickness and an accident as a latch-stitch effort to stop them. Why? Because when we get sick, we have no energy to do anything. And because we have no energy, we can't work on their goal or that task or activity. And because we can't work on it, the tricks of resistance win. Or when we get into an accident, it takes a lot of time and effort to rectify the incident. And that's all the time and effort that's taking it us away from the goal. So and there's dozens and dozens of tricks. And of course my course talks about it, but to understand the basics of if they're in a trick is anything that they're doing that's not moving a needle forward is likely a trick. Right. So if they're if a trick is showing up, they're likely in resistance. And so this is a good way to know if they're in resistance and how the resistance is manifesting. Another way is to use what I call self-talk, or I don't call it, it's a thing. Self-talk are statements that you say or repeat to yourself of the changes that you want to have or have happen. For example, if you want to improve your health, you might say, I am healthy and fit. I eat well and exercise regularly. Or if you want to improve your memory, you might repeat statements like, I have an excellent memory. I easily remember names, dates, facts, and any information I choose. Your unconscious will react. And how it reacts is data about your resistance. So if you start saying I am healthy and fit, and your brain goes, No, you're not, you're unhealthy, and it'll trigger memories of all the times you weren't eating well, and it might trigger fear of what people will think if you do start working out. That gives you all the data of why your brain is resisting that task activity.

Khalila McCoy 33:33

Okay. I've never heard thought about that.

Kam Knight 33:35

Yeah, it's really cool. If you want, we can try it now.

Khalila McCoy 33:38

Okay.

Kam Knight 33:38

Yeah. All right, let's do it. What's a goal that you have, or what's an area that you want to work on that you might be stuck, or just an area you want to work on in general.

Khalila McCoy 33:48

Um, so the healthy and fit for me.

Kam Knight 33:51

Yeah, okay. Yeah. So why don't we just do that? Why don't you close your eyes?

Khalila McCoy 33:55

Okay.

Kam Knight 33:56

And start repeating, I am healthy and fit. Do it out loud. And as you're repeating, tell me what comes up for you. Where are the feelings in your body and all of that?

Khalila McCoy 34:09

Okay. I am healthy and fit. I am healthy and fit. I am healthy and fit. I am healthy and fit. I am healthy and fit.

Kam Knight 34:23

Are there any feelings like this isn't gonna work? It'll be very hard. Talk through that. Tell me what's going on.

Khalila McCoy 34:30

So at first I was definitely thinking of like I was, right? I used to be healthy and fit. And then when I'm thinking of it, I'm thinking like, oh, I I can't exercise like I used to. It's gonna be so hard. Um but I will say as I started, continuing it, I was like, i I could do it though, right? Like, so it's kind of like questioning myself a little bit, but not fully confident yet.

Kam Knight 34:56

So there's a part of you that feels like it's not possible. So that's a belief, right? And then there's another thinking of it's gonna be hard to get back to a healthy infit.

Khalila McCoy 35:07

Yeah.

Kam Knight 35:08

So those thinking is gonna create resistance for you. And um, if you kept repeating the statement, you would probably get other data as well. You might get a memory of somebody who used to make fun of you. And and then that's a sign that a part of your brain fears the judgment of others.

Khalila McCoy 35:29

Yeah.

Kam Knight 35:30

So that's another reason for resistance. But like you said, as you kept repeating it, you did feel like it was possible. And that's the next step of self-talk. So in the beginning, self-talk will not feel comfortable. It'll feel awkward that you're doing what you're saying doesn't feel right. And when you do that, you'll get a lot of data for why. But if you keep repeating it, those uncomfortable feelings will subside and those and the words will start to seep into your unconscious to create the outcome you're wanting. I will venture to guess that if you kept repeating, I am healthy and fit, I eat well and exercise regularly, if you repeated the statement every day and multiple times a day, you would start to move towards that.

Khalila McCoy 36:22

Yeah.

Kam Knight 36:23

And moving past resistance could be as simple as creating a set of statements and repeating it on a regular basis. I know we talked about the complexities of the human mind and body, and there's all those things going on.

Khalila McCoy 36:35

Right.

Kam Knight 36:36

And we also learned fighting it is not easy because one, we don't even know what they are, and even if we do, pushing against resistance is not always easy. So what's better is not to fight against resistance, but to change the inner programming. So change the beliefs, to change the habits, change your comfort zone. And it can all be done with self-talk.

Khalila McCoy 37:02

As you're doing that, at the beginning you talked about kind of almost that checklist. And if that one is off, right, then you kind of shut down. So is it through the self-talk and through the understanding of um, you know, what whatever your resistance is, does that checklist change to kind of all like you get to a point if it's 100% go? Or is there always kind of that one thing you're just always working to get past it?

Kam Knight 37:28

This is a really good question. One thing I didn't mention is it why the reason it's really helps to understand the cause, the checklist, all the different checklist items, is because if you know what the item is, then you can do things to work on it. Right. For example, if your issue is that you're trying to be different and you become aware of it, like, oh my gosh, I didn't realize how much my need to be different. It's creating challenges for me. Sometimes that awareness can unravel the resistance where it doesn't have as much hold on you. Right? Right. Though that's not always the case, and why we need to start working on rewiring the mind. And we can actually unwire a lot of our authority issues and being different and the high and all the other things we mentioned by creating self-talk statements that address those specific things.

Khalila McCoy 38:22

Okay.

Kam Knight 38:23

And then the other question is will resistance go away forever? We always have resistance. Anytime we're doing something new or different, resistance will come up. For example, if you eventually build a habit for eating well and exercising through self-talk statements, through awareness, and through willpower, pushing through, you'll start building it. But that's not gonna build a habit for learning the violin. So when you want to go learn the violin, you're gonna have to build a start over. Start over with that thing. And resistance is very nuanced, meaning you could become an excellent French gourmet chef. Like famous, make tons of money, people love your cooking and all of that. But as soon as you try to move into cooking Italian, resistance can come up. Right. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Even though it's the same category, you're right, but just that slight switch. Yeah. It could still be resistance. And it'll show up for various reasons. Because if you don't believe, if the mind doesn't believe, it can make a shift, then resistance will come up regardless of how big that shift is. So sometimes our previous success does help in moving past new things we want to do, but oftentimes it doesn't, and we might come up with resistance again.

Khalila McCoy 39:57

Yeah.

Kam Knight 39:58

And I do want to say everyone has resistance. So we might see somebody who's really successful and think, wow, they must have no resistance.

Khalila McCoy 40:07

Right.

Kam Knight 40:07

They just don't have resistance in that particular task, activity, or skill. But if you were to ask them to do something different, I can guarantee you resistance will come up. In fact, they're likely sticking to that skill because they have so much resistance in other areas, they feel they need to get good at that skill to be able to be successful and like and respected in life.

Khalila McCoy 40:34

So when you're talking about that, it kind of reminds me of people talking about the importance of being a well-rounded person, right? So then you're trying new things, learning new things, but it's also constantly rewiring your brain, right? And making you um kind of rethink what is possible for you. Is that exercise of the brain essential to just kind of life in general?

Kam Knight 41:01

So I think it's important to be well-rounded in the sense that in order to move through the world in positive, healthy ways, not just for ourselves, but the people around us, we do need to have multiple skills. And to be well-rounded, it's just necessary. Um, not just to be able to function, but to be happy as well. And it can be tough because if we have resistance, working on one thing is hard enough versus working on many things. Um, which is why like the great thing is one of the best ways to develop develop ourselves or multiple areas of ourselves is with self-talk. If they can take what it is that they're trying to improve on and turn them into statements, you can literally create a set of 12 or 15 statements that hit up five or six areas of your life. And if you start repeating those, that's gonna do so much more to help you develop those areas than to try to brute force it and physically. Again, it helps to rewire your mind. So resistance isn't fighting with your efforts. So if you say I'm healthy and fit, I eat well and exercise regularly. And if you want to develop your mental skills, such as memory, I have an excellent memory. I easily remember names, states, and facts. And if you want to improve your communication skills, like I'm a calm, confident communicator, I easily communicate my thoughts, ideas, and needs. And if you want to improve my your ability to stay clean and organized, I am an organized person. I maintain a very clean and organized space.

Khalila McCoy 42:55

Right.

Kam Knight 42:56

Right now we just added eight statements, and I promise you, repeating those eight statements r regularly, day in and day out, for weeks and months, it's gonna help you move in that direction better.

Khalila McCoy 43:09

Yeah. Now you mentioned at the beginning you started with your own story. Is that what you were able to do to help you move forward? Was the self-talk? And obviously, after identifying that resistance, did that self-talk help you the most?

Kam Knight 43:25

I I would say self-talk was the most critical, quintessential thing for me to push past my resistance. Because, like I said, I had high expectations growing up with low support. My parents weren't around. I didn't they didn't give me clean clothes, they barely put food on the table, they were not very supportive. In fact, I got the exact opposite. I was an immigrant that had a culture shock, so I didn't have you know a lot of supportive. Friends. So by the time I became an adult, I didn't have a lot of these skills. I really just worked on studying and doing well. And although I got good grades and got into decent school, everything else I lacked. And what's interesting is I was a fairly smart person and worked hard, but I didn't do well in corporate America because I had no social skills. In fact, whatever the opposite of good social skills are is what I had. And so in a lot of areas, I mean, I was just a mess. I didn't know how to cook, I didn't know how to clean, I don't know how to stay organized. And a lot of the pain I'm talking about in trying to develop those skills, doing it physically was really hard because I could develop myself in one area, but as soon as I started developing myself in another area, I started sliding in that first area.

Khalila McCoy 44:53

Okay, yeah.

Kam Knight 44:54

And then as soon as I started developing myself in the third area, I slid it, started sliding in the second area. And I would go back and forth, and it was tough. And luckily I discovered self-talk. And in the beginning, I didn't use it the way I'm describing, but over time I started to become that way where I have a a good list of self-talk statements that I repeat every day. Okay. Morning, evening, while I'm driving, while I'm waiting in line. And they really, really helped me move me towards not just the goals that I want, but to be successful in them. For example, recently I took up social dancing. Salsang batata. Yeah, it's fun. If you have rhythm and you can move. I did not.

Khalila McCoy 45:47

Are you saying you did not?

Kam Knight 45:49

Two left feet. Okay. Couldn't keep a beat if if uh you know my life depended on it, and a lot of other challenges. So what did I do? I took some private lessons where I learned some of the nuances of how to dance, how to move my partner, how to stay in beat and rhythm, and then I turn it into self-talk savings. You wanna hear it?

Khalila McCoy 46:15

Yeah.

Kam Knight 46:16

Okay. I am an excellent dancer. I learn and pick up moves easily. I remember all the moves and execute them with precision and control. I maintain correct posture, frame, connection, and hand position throughout the dance. I have rhythm and soul. I confidently and smoothly move my body and partner to the rhythm and beat of the music.

Khalila McCoy 46:37

Nice.

Kam Knight 46:38

Now I'm not saying I'm a great or perfect dancer, but I'm better than what I started because I repeat this regularly. Also, I will add one more thing. This will be really helpful. Um I was not a good communicator. I had a hard time getting what I wanted to say to come out of my mouth in the right way. So what was in my head rarely came out properly. Yeah. And I would stutter, I would stammer, I couldn't get the right words. So what did I do? I created a set of self-talk statements. I'm an excellent communicator. I easily communicate my thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences, and more. I can write about and verbalize anything. I'm never at a loss for words because the right words come to me quickly and easily. And then I had social challenges, so now I say I'm a people person. I enjoy talking to, spending time with, being around, and I'm comfortable around people. So and when you hear me see these self-talk statements, I'd say them so easily, just comes out of my mouth so well. Right. It's because I've repeated them so much. And again, I'm not saying I am the greatest speaker, but these statements help help me quite a bit and helping me to improve skills, improve my communication, and things of that nature. And sometimes all we need is self-talk instead of spending all this time reading books and then applying what you learn and then doing it wrong until you get it right. Sometimes you can bypass all that just by with self-talk statements.

Khalila McCoy 48:22

When you're writing your self-talk statements, is it just visualizing what you want in the end and just putting that into a sentence? Or did you have something or someone help you come up with your statements?

Kam Knight 48:34

No, those are all statements that I came up with, and they were all trying to describe what I was seeking, the end result I was seeking, and what I needed to do to achieve that end result.

Khalila McCoy 48:49

Yeah, I noticed they were very specific. I liked that.

Kam Knight 48:52

Yeah. So they were they hit on this very specific issues I had. So I could have easily said, I'm an excellent communicator, but they were I focused on the specific challenges as well. So I added the end result. I'm an excellent communicator. And as I mentioned, some of the challenges I had was the right words wouldn't come to me. Like I could really spend a few seconds to a minute going, uh-oh, I'm trying to get the right word. So if you also notice, I added, I easily communicate my thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences. And then I talk about how the right words come to me effortly and easily. And that's because it addresses a challenge. So I guess the science of how to create good statements is one, think about your own result and put that as one of the top statements. So if you want to improve your memory, it's I want an excellent memory. If you want to improve your health, I am healthy and fit. And then you think about the things that you need to do to get there. So to become healthy and fit, you need to eat while and exercise. So you'll put I eat while and exercise. Right. And then you add statements that'll help you overcome challenges. Yeah. So for the dancing example, um, one of the challenges that not just I, but most people have is you'll go out and take lessons, learn these moves, practice them at home. And then when you go to the dance floor, you just completely blank.

Khalila McCoy 50:25

Yeah.

Kam Knight 50:25

You're dancing with the follow or a girl, and like all everything that you were practicing just is not coming. And then you're just doing the basic stuff. So if you notice in my self-talk, I said, I am an excellent dancer. I learn and pick up moves easily. I remember all the moves. Remember because I wanted myself to remember them when I was actually, you know, on the dance floor.

Khalila McCoy 50:52

Right. As you move forward and you come up with, you know, different resistances and then you start adding that self-talk. Have you ever found or do you work with people who maybe that initial the self-talk doesn't help right away? Do you just encourage them, keep doing it, or can there also be another block that they don't know about?

Kam Knight 51:14

I have never had anybody who consistently applied self-talk and didn't get the result that they were seeking. It might take longer for some people based on how much resistance they have, but if they consistently did it every day over time, they start to move in that direction. Now, the question is, some people want to move faster. So they feel like it's not working because they're not moving fast enough. And different areas that we're working on with self-talk show up differently. For example, when I was working on when I was using self-talk to improve my dancing, it took a long time of repeating the statements for it to actually start seeing the results. Right? Right. But some other areas like the communication, I thought that would take much longer. But I I started seeing results almost immediately. So it's the nuance of the brain. It's hard to know how quickly the self-talk will show up. And when it's not showing up right away, it can feel like it's not working, but we just have to stick with it. There are some self-talk statements that I've been repeating for well over a year, and I'm just starting to get the inkling of it working. And so I don't want people to give up if it's not working. Right. Though I do want to say that when it comes to self-talk, it does have to be done consistently. Like it has to be done every day. If a person's not doing it every day, then they can't expect the result that they're seeking.

Khalila McCoy 52:58

Okay.

Kam Knight 52:59

And what's really cool about self-talk is it literally takes no effort. It's just moving your mouth. You can do it while lying down. Yeah, I I created a guide on how to use self-talk to build skills and habits. Okay. And it more or less discusses what we're talking about now a little bit more. And I call the guide Build Skills and Habits in Your Sleep. I didn't say master your self-talk or anything because people are like, build skills and habits in my sleep. I would love that. Yeah. And you can literally do it with self-talk. If you repeat it enough, it will help you move in that direction. So we talked about the nuances of self-talk. I want to add one more thing.

Khalila McCoy 53:40

Okay.

Kam Knight 53:40

So the one is you want the statements you want to include are the end result that you're seeking, um, the things you're going to need to do to get there, as well as the blocks that you want to overcome. Right. But more importantly, you want to keep those statements very concise. You don't want it to be really drawn out and long. If you notice, the statements I've all given are very concise and precise.

Khalila McCoy 54:08

Yes.

Kam Knight 54:09

And it's much easier for the brain to receive it when it's concise and precise versus if it's confusing and long.

Khalila McCoy 54:19

Now you mentioned at the beginning that you have a course that kind of teaches more about resistance, but you also said that you are a coach. So do you take on clients and like one-on-one walk them through this and help them stay on the correct path?

Kam Knight 54:34

Yep. So I have a course called Conquer Internal Resistance, which is a deep dive into this topic. Again, people will understand how their own wants get in the way, all the other reasons of resistance that we didn't get a chance to talk about here. Dozens and dozens of more tricks that their brain is using to keep them stuck right here and now that they learn about. Plus a really nice framework of how to take forward moving progress, which includes self-talk and other techniques that they can use. And then I also do one-on-one work, and people can reach out to me at coach at camknight.com. And this one-on-one work is really amazing and powerful because it's not me teaching them or guiding them through the resistance. I developed a method to take people into their unconscious mind, and it's not NLP or hypnosis, but it's something I had developed, and we work on the resistance directly. It's a much faster and more direct approach where what could take probably years to overcome resistance on their own, which could be cut down to weeks and months with my program. But in just a few sessions, we can pinpoint the resistance and and release a lot of it. And then I create very precise self-talk statements of the outcome they're seeking. And combined with the technique and the self-talk, people can make some really, really, really as to say, big progress.

Khalila McCoy 56:08

Yeah. Now you said you started off in corporate America and then now you're really into that brain study and knowledge and helping people. Is it, did you make that switch purely because you were trying to figure out how to help yourself and then you decided to help others? How did you make such a it seems like a drastic career change?

Kam Knight 56:30

Yeah. Well, like I said, when I got into corporate America, there was a lot of things that I was then lacking. That I was lacking, I mean. And the reason is because, you know, growing up, I didn't have good role models or people to show me the way. So I was picking up based on what I saw on television and people. And the conclusion my mind made was I needed to get the external success.

Khalila McCoy 57:03

Right.

Kam Knight 57:04

And the core of that was to make money. So make money, get the car, get the house, and all that. And once I got all that, my life still wasn't good. Like I had all these other areas that um needed attention. And in working on and dressing and putting a lot of effort on it, and going through a lot of not so good advice. I d I personally think there's a lot of bad advice out there, especially by people who are very famous and and have a lot of notoriety, I think they're really misleading people. And so I had to go through a lot of things that don't work to figure out the things that do work and distill it down in a way where I can communicate it to someone in a way that they can get results very quickly. Because the challenge is not understanding what to do, but when you're trying to impart that knowledge to another human being, they have all their other resistance and it could take a long time. So it took a while to really figure out how to impart information in a way where they can understand it, and then also in a way where they can start applying it, and but more importantly, in a way where they can stick to applying it. Because it's not it's the things that we stick to so it's not the big massive changes that create results. It's the things that we can stick to on a regular basis. And so the things that are we can stick to on a regular basis have to be very simple. And that's why I like Solf Talk. It's one of those simple things that we can do regularly. And it's the things that we do regularly that's going to get us a result. So this is one of the foundational tips that I offer.

Khalila McCoy 59:03

What would you like our listeners to remember? So the next time they feel themselves pulling away from something that they know is good for them, or they're getting stuck, or they're not, you know, believing their self-talk. What would you say to them? How can they rise into action?

Kam Knight 59:20

Understand that wanting does not lead to having. Just because you want something doesn't mean you'll take the necessary steps to do it. And our brain is so good at convincing us that we actually will. When it triggers a want, it can release all these euphoric feelings that can give us an impression like, yes, this time is going to be different. I can make it happen and it's going to work. But once those feelings fade, we're right back to where we started. And if a person doesn't understand that, every time they do go after something, they're going to assume that this time it'll work and they're not going to handle the resistance and they're going to hit roadblocks and detours and it will derail them. But if a person can understand that anytime they set out to do something, there will be roadblocks and and detours, and it's their own mind or resistance that's going to create it, they'll be much more prepared for it when it shows up. And when we're more prepared, sometimes it doesn't even affect us because we're like, oh yeah, I knew this was gonna come, or I knew this was gonna be a little bit more difficult, so I just keep pushing through.

Khalila McCoy 1:00:40

Okay, we have some homework to do. We are all going to take a moment to reflect on something we know we want to do, something we should be doing, but for whatever reason, we just can't seem to move on it. Decide what it is, and then explore why you are struggling in that area. Give yourself the time and the space to really think about it. Be honest with yourself. Kam told me that when he does his one-on-one coaching, it is not for the faint of heart. He goes deep into the subconscious and to places we've often blocked things out. Being that honest with ourselves can be uncomfortable for so many reasons, but this is the time to do it. Next, writing our own self-talk statements. I sat down, made a list of the areas I want to grow in, and then I wrote self-talk statements for each one. I followed Kam's structure. One, start with the result you want. That becomes your top statement. Two, list the actions you need to take to get there. And three, add statements that help you overcome the challenges you know will show up. Check out the show notes if you want to see one of my statements. And after you write yours, I'd love for you to share one with me and our community. You can drop it on Instagram under this episode's artwork, send it to me in a DM, or post it on our YouTube's community page. Your statement might be exactly what someone else, including me, needs to hear. Kam reminded me that this is just one piece of the puzzle. If you want to learn more or work with him directly, his website is linked in the show notes. And remember, this isn't a one-time get hype moment that fades in a week. Let this sink in, let it work on you, and commit to rising a little bit every day. Kam, thank you for being on the show today. And thank you, friend, for listening and learning with me. I truly enjoy our time together. As you move through the rest of your day, I hope you take a moment to listen a little louder to yourself, to the people you love, and to the things that connect us in ways we sometimes forget to notice. I'll meet you back here next time. See you bye.