07 | "My Own Worst Enemy" | Self-Doubt to Self-Worth

In this conversation, Greg Arnold shares his journey of shifting from self-doubt to self-worth.  He emphasizes the significance of commitment, celebrating small wins, and embracing challenges as opportunities for growth. Greg also discusses the impact of relationships on personal development and the importance of healing from past traumas. His insights aim to inspire others, particularly men, to express their emotions and pursue their goals with confidence.

Connect with Greg:

Instagram: garnoldVO

LinkedIn: garnoldVO

Website: gregarnoldspeaks.com

Connect with this show on Instagram @wherewerisepod

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Transcript

Khalila McCoy 0:00

Hey, I'm Khalila McCoy, and you're listening to the show that makes rising feel possible. This is where we ride. Hey there, welcome to the show. Thank you for joining me. Before we get into our conversation, I want to shout out Gallion0164 from Apple Podcasts, who left a review that reads, This podcast warms my soul. The host is genuine and the topics are relevant to everyone. I recommend this to everyone. I want to hang out with Khalila and DJ. Thank you so much for those kind words, Gallion, and for spreading the word about the show. DJ and I have a great time together, so I'm glad that came through in our episode. I'm also already thinking about another episode that we can do together pretty soon. Galleon, you mentioned that the topics have been relevant to everyone. So I think you're really going to enjoy hearing from Greg Arnold today. This episode was fun for me, and I was also a little nervous because this was the first time I recorded with someone who I didn't know at all. Greg reached out and shared that he wants to step into keynote speaking and to spread a message of self-worth over self-doubt, something that he's had to work on in his own life. So I was excited to see where he would take the conversation and what he wanted to share. I came ready to listen and to learn. So let's check it out. How are you today, Greg?

Greg Arnold 1:34

Oh, just swell. Uh thank you for having me. Uh how are you doing?

Khalila McCoy 1:37

I'm good. I'm really excited for you to be on the show today. And I we talked about this, I don't know you. This is our first time meeting. So just tell us a little bit about yourself.

Greg Arnold 1:50

Yeah, well, uh, so right now I am somebody that is trying to essentially make it as a full-time speaker, mindset, motivational speaker. But um but who I am um is I am a pro arm wrestler and I've also done voice acting on the side. Um, but right now I have a I kind of have a normal like nine to five day job uh that's just kind of like helping keep the roof over uh over our heads. But yeah, right now I'm just I'm trying to scale to where I become my uh my own boss and and just have all that that freedom and financial freedom and just be able to spend all the time that I want with uh with my family.

Khalila McCoy 2:36

Yeah, that's great. So for the listeners, before we push record, you and I were talking about jobs and you were talking about your voiceover job. You did not say that you were a professional arm wrestler. So that is so cool. I feel like I'm already thinking, like, oh, will he come back and we can just talk about his awesome job? So I don't want to derail us from what we're talking about, but definitely putting the pen in professional arm wrestler because I did not know that was a thing, and that's so cool to meet somebody who does that.

Greg Arnold 3:07

Yeah, yeah, no, it's uh it's I mean, it's definitely a unique formula. I'm I'm really uh really blessed that I got to that that I've been able to be part of these uh you know, these facets of my life, and each of those things that I'm part of, whether it's voiceover or arm wrestling, it's definitely shaped me to being the um, you know, the the thinker, the I guess you call them solopreneur, just or the aspiring solopreneur and just uh the the the kind of kind of the man that I am today. And you know, I'm I'm just really excited to uh you know kind of explain like what all transpired and how I got here.

Khalila McCoy 3:45

Yeah, let's jump into it. So tell us about who you were before the journey.

Greg Arnold 3:52

So beforehand, uh you know, uh kind of looking back to when I was a kid, uh I was somebody that you know looked functional, looked normal, like on like just normal okay kid on the outside, but I was constantly at war with myself uh from an internal standpoint, uh because I kind of taught myself early on to stay under the radar and uh, you know, n uh not take too much space out of the fear of making mistakes in front of people, whether it's my teachers or peers or even my parents at times. Because when I was I was a cesarean when I was born, and they they actually dropped me back in uh you know, my mother, and uh p I had uh I had a lot of fluid going into my ear and in my lungs because of pneumonia. Long story short, uh the fluid that was in my ear ears, they didn't discover that I wasn't able to hear for for most of it until I was about two or so. Suffice to say, that rendered me with kind of an auditory processing disorder. And because of that, I did not have the communication, the language skills as I was growing up, so it made me fall behind within my peers. I was able to kind of compensate and be like a great speller, I was pretty good with numbers, and but um school was always such a challenge that it took me a lot longer to grasp the material like slower than than mo than most of the class. And you know, I would get a case, I would get ridiculed um by either by either my peers or even my teacher, thinking like, oh, you're just not paying attention, you're just not paying attention. Like I was I was kind of looked at as not really the bad kid, but just somebody that you know really needs extra help, uh, you know, maybe need to be held back. So it it it really flared up my inferiority complex, and I thought, okay, in order for me to remain safe, I gotta remain quiet. So that way it's kind of a you know, be thought of as a fool, then to remove all doubt once you speak up. That's that that that's that's been my personality throughout my school, my or my school career, uh college, uh, and and even and even work, you know, when I was, you know, like even 15 years ago. But anyway, what kind of transpired me to realize that I needed to change, because it really did get bad to the point where I I isolated myself, and because of my auditory processing issue, I wasn't able to communicate very well with the other the other kids. So it wasn't it was very daunting to try and make friends. So I would isolate myself a lot. Uh, but I learned how to communicate really good when I was able to convince my father and my mother, you know, even despite uh her leaving uh my dad and myself when they got divorced. But I uh I finished high school online uh my last two years of high school. And from there I was able to do a lot of typing, a lot of communicating. It it it kind of increased my confidence a little bit, not only because I was safe, but also it kind of forced me to develop more technological social skills. So like even though even though it's not like ideal, but it's at least something, from there, you you know, I was able to it kind of increase my self-esteem just a little bit, but I still had quite a bit of work to do, you know, that I st I still felt so isolated that I, you know, faced depression and even uh even suicidal ideation.

Khalila McCoy 7:38

Uh can we go back a little bit to like your childhood when you're going through that? Were there were you getting support from the R.

Greg Arnold 7:46

Yes. Uh so I did um I did go to a couple of speech therapists. Yeah. That that was that was kind of what they had at their disposal. I mean they they did they did diagnose me with that and but yeah, they just thought, okay, well, maybe you just uh maybe just need more more time with speech therapy. And I think I think it helped me, like in retrospect, I think it did help me a little bit to do, I guess, the barest essentials when it comes to school. And I and now that uh now that we're talking about it, I kind of remember what uh what my teachers did. But my my mom and and my dad had kind of an arrangement with my teachers, especially fourth through sixth grade, that you remember like when we had these agenda planners, like back when we were in school. Yeah. I would have to write them down, and the teacher would have to initialize it. You know, this is like back before we had all that tech uh technology to where parents can check it. The teacher, my teacher had to initialize it to make sure that I didn't miss anything so that it wasn't my parents. Yeah, so that that I actually did hear every command. So so i that was the extent of support, and it was and I they they did their best for what was available back in the in the 90s.

Khalila McCoy 9:09

So you said that you had some peers that were rude to you and kind of bullying you along the way. Is that kind of where you felt like most of your criticism came from?

Greg Arnold 9:22

Um a lot of it came from not not necessarily the the disorder itself, but more so of me isolating myself and not being able to make friends, and because that I was a lone wolf, for lack of better term, I was more of a target. Like that they thought that, okay, well, if I'm not part of a clique, see my school district, it was pretty clicky, and if you weren't part of something, some kind of a I don't know what you call it, faction like faction or uh or or an athletic uh on a team, uh then you were kind of looked at as, you know, okay, well what's this guy's deal? You know, he's very weird. Oh, I wonder, uh I wonder how he'll react if we kind of harass him or push his buttons. But because yeah, now maybe s maybe some uh some kids probably wanted to wanted to befriend me, and I'm I'm sure like a few did, but because I never got the uh I was always pretty socially inept. I was never able to differentiate between a friend and a, you know, someone who has trouble. So I always was on the defense. Right. So I I I never really made too much of an effort, even though that yes, I did get ridiculed, especially in middle school. Uh, you know, because middle school was worse than high school.

Khalila McCoy 10:51

But yeah. It's an interesting time. Like I feel like none of the kids really know who they are yet or what they, you know, are doing with themselves, and they just decide to pick on each other.

Greg Arnold 11:02

Yeah, and it's just I never really knew how to emotionally process. I mean, uh and yeah, I guess what what teenager does. But uh but but I just really felt that I was never understood. I I was never I was never confident that I was gonna be heard by the right people. And and it it was kind of like the narrative back in back in the late 90s, early 2000s that okay, if you if you saw a psychologist or whatever, then that means something is more wrong with you than than what you're already.

Khalila McCoy 11:37

Yeah, it's very different than today.

Greg Arnold 11:39

Yes. Like there was this stigma right away. So uh suffice it to say, I I internalized everything. And and something that I learned or that I learned and that I'm wanting to like relay in my mindset speech speaking, but if you are internalizing everything, if you keep if you keep everything in silent, you know, you're you're gonna have intruders like in your head, like intrusive thoughts, you know, think, oh my, I'm so s you know, I'm so dumb, you know, why, you know, why? But uh you know, but it's like if you don't it if you don't speak them out loud, then they're gonna basically stay in they're gonna stay in your brain and kind of have a cup of tea, not only knock on the door, but like come in and you know make it make themselves at home just kind of squat in your brain. Uh but uh but what I learned is if I'm speaking, if I'm verbalizing something, it doesn't it doesn't necessarily stay in your head. It's just kind of like uh like interfering for it uh for lack of a better term. It's like that's something that's always or that's been able to help me in uh in recent times. So that's what I mean by internalizing uh everything and just kind of having a conversation with uh with yourself, uh even and uh just kind of processing. But uh yeah, I think I I think we kind of got uh I kind of got a little off the topic there. But no, you're uh you're great.

Khalila McCoy 13:02

So tell us how that transferred. So childhood, middle school, kind of like a loner, not really feeling understood, not feeling seen. And you said even with your parents at home, they didn't really know how to support you.

Greg Arnold 13:16

Right. Uh so my childhood life is uh my father was uh he was the breadwinner, but not only was he the breadwinner, but he had to travel every single week. Uh he owned a healthcare consulting firm, so he would be gone from Sunday and come back or you know, Sunday through Thursday. Uh because, you know, he he kind of had no choice because my mother really was not responsible financially. So she would she would spend very I don't want to say recklessly, but I guess yeah, I guess reckless is as good a word as any. And so it kind of forced my dad to overcompensate for it. And so I spent most of my time with my mother until I was like the age of 14, like from the time I was five or six to about fourteen, and I would s and I would see my dad a few days a week, and uh uh unless unless he wasn't like on a project where he was able to still like work from home. But a lot of times if you had to make money quickly, like he would offer to take on a project, and what they would do is what his company would do is they would go to certain like hospitals that are maybe in the process of installing a new computer system, and he kind of project manages when the new software kind of go uh goes live in like whether it's the radiology department, uh ER pharmacy, and he consults them on like hey, what here here's the best software for it, here's the best protocol for this, uh let me know what issues there are. So uh but anyway, that's what he would have to do. Um and I didn't I I wasn't raised by my father much until uh until like they divorced because I stayed with my dad um when when they divorced when I was uh going on fifteen. And so but he still had to work. So from the time I was almost sixteen till about eighteen, I had the house to myself throughout the week while I while I was doing my uh my schoolwork. But I but I loved it because I didn't have to worry about the the hive mind of school. Uh you know, the the the peers, I could just concentrate because I still had the identity that I wanted to be something in uh in life, like when uh when I grew up. I didn't know what, but I I knew that I wanted to at least graduate high school, go to college, and get a degree from there. And I knew that I wasn't academically doing good in public school, so it took a lot of convincing of my father to uh you know that for me to allow me to try the the program and that was the only time I ever got straight A's. Uh what was the program? It was called ECOT. It doesn't exist anymore. It's called uh Electronic Classroom of Tomorrow, uh originated in uh Columbus. But uh they they actually uh this was like back in 2007, 2008 that I uh that I attended. But uh but yeah, just like two years ago, I think, is is when when it shut down.

Khalila McCoy 16:25

But uh was it like a homeschool type of situation or you actually went there?

Greg Arnold 16:29

Uh this was homeschool. Like I I I was at home, but but online there were teachers that some of them would have live lectures. Uh mo most of my teachers they did not. They would just have like modules of lessons, and then you would like watch like videos and read through material, then you'd get quizzed on that material, uh, you would have to write some papers, uh do something that's you that's kind of like productive like outside. Uh like it it was a lot more than that.

Khalila McCoy 17:00

So different types of learning, learning at your own pace. Yeah. It sounds like it was perfect for you. Then you said you got straight A's. Yes. And then I'm sure like feeling that you're a loner, then you're like, oh well, this is perfect because I could just be by myself and focus on what I want to focus on.

Greg Arnold 17:17

Exactly. And uh but it was also good for me from a growth, from a kind of a growth standpoint because my dad had to travel and I had the house to myself, he said that, okay, you need you know, laundry needs to be done, make sure these dishes are done. Of course, you know, the pet the pets are taken care of, you know, fine, uh clean the pool like during during the summer. He taught me a lot of responsibilities of a typical adult when I was like, you know, 15 and 16, and that was definitely uh it it gave me some perspective on an appreciation for what uh what my father and even my mother had had done for me, you know, before I was before I was a teen. So it it gave me a sense of structure and responsibility, which was definitely something that that I needed. But um but yeah, even during all that, I still only appraised my worth based off of whether I was uh whether I was in a relationship, because then we started getting into the age of my space and the very beginning of Facebook. Everyone's just you know, every one of my peers are just you know gloating about their their boyfriend, girlfriend, and uh and so it just it it also kind of gave me the oh man, I need to be in a I I need to find somebody, but I don't know how. So it it it made me do a lot of uh online dating and shh yeah. But but but so you know that was definitely online dating back then.

Khalila McCoy 18:51

That sounds like it could be kind of sketchy. Uh I mean it's sketchy. I mean it is still definitely now. But I mean like I think of AOL Instant Messenger and things like that.

Greg Arnold 19:03

Yahoo! Personals, like that wasn't happening back then. But uh but oh man, that that that definitely is uh So how did that go for you? Were you did you date? Yeah, yeah. So I I I did I did have uh a couple of relationships, like long distance relationships and and and met them and you know, they were great, but but it's pretty hard like in a distance and not being able to it's really hard to regulate your emotions, you know, when you are not actually physically with that person like at any given time. So suffice to this is still when you're a teenager, right? Yeah, I was still seventeen.

Khalila McCoy 19:44

So you're still trying to figure out what a relationship is.

Greg Arnold 19:47

I did not have the emotional maturity to uh maintain a relationship, uh a serious one. Um and then but anyway while I was trying to like navigate through that and my own emotions, uh December 20th of 2008 is when uh my mother passed. Yeah, it's it was pretty unexpected. So and I spent I spent a little bit of time blaming myself, not not necessarily that uh of her death, but because that I wasn't around, because I still had a little bit of um maybe not anger, but more more hurt because she's the one that left my dad and myself to go be with someone else. Um and it just kind of made me feel like that she abandoned me because she never asked me to go with her. Um so but I mean I in retrospect now looking back, I mean, I know why, but you know, it's it's still her at that moment, yeah. Defin definitely, and now uh because she and I weren't quite getting along like before she left, before she divorced uh my father, I would have chosen. I I was kind of old enough at that point, you know, going on fifteen to decide who who I want to stay with. And I stayed with my dad, and that was definitely the better decision for sure. You know, like for for my personal growth. But uh but going back to uh you know 2008, um that I definitely spent uh a lot of time trying to uh trying to fulfill like a real huge void that I was still uh trying to fill. And and I didn't really I didn't really uh look into myself as to why I felt that I needed I I I just kept finding external factors to kind of superficially fill you know whatever whatever void is is within me. And I never looked into myself. I think I think in a way I was I was afraid I was always gonna be or I I had a fear of always being alone if I if I didn't find somebody. So I I found one person uh a person in during the online dating, but we did end up living together for for a little bit. Um it was it was like like my first very serious relationship. Um and but after like a month and a half of dating, you know, she started to become slowly uh verbally abusive and just everything that like went wrong tied back to something that I did or that I didn't do. So that just that just exacerbated any feelings of low self-esteem that I had before to say like I I am just I'm there's just so much wrong with me. Like there's there's no way that I'm that I'm destined for you know good things in life. I don't deserve it. I I just I just co as my my own worst enemy to simply put. Like I just i it's just I never ever wanted to cut myself a break. And even even the accolades that I got, I would find a way to minimize them, thinking, like, oh well, you know, either I got lucky or um or it's something that most people can do, like it's uh I I'm not I'm nothing spectacular. I learned to recluse enough because it was always very humiliating for me to either lose something or um or make a mistake that I would try to overcompensate and kind of conceal any of my shortcomings by just being very, very productive in like other matters. That that that definitely showed in my in my day job. But um long story short, you know, I ended up uh or I ended up breaking up with that the verbally abusive person and um and I was probably single for like three months. I had still been paying a lease off of that apartment, but I went back to living with my father and uh you know his second wife, and I met my now wife, you know, like 2011. Uh so we've been dating for almost 15 years, and uh like that was kind of a turning point uh meeting meeting her. So it it kind of it kind of took her to kind of grant or kind of giving me a couple of tools to to realize that you know it's important for me to work on myself, it's important to practice self-compassion, because you know, without it then you're not gonna be able to uh sufficiently be compassionate towards uh towards other people, or you know, especially the people you love.

Khalila McCoy 24:35

Yeah. What was it in you that really wanted a relationship? Because kind of hearing you talk like I'm a loner and I didn't really see myself as having any self-worth. I didn't see myself as, you know, being good enough in any area, what was it that you felt was really like, okay, well, I am willing to get into like a romantic relationship with someone?

Greg Arnold 25:00

So, yeah, funny story. Uh so when I when I split up with that that first serious relationship, you know, that was verbally abusive, um, I vowed that I was not gonna get in another relationship. Like I it's it it it just was not worth the effort. I I I was still pretty numb.

Khalila McCoy 25:20

Right.

Greg Arnold 25:21

And and and I don't know, I I still I still went on those sites to just kind of have like a companion and you know, just just kind of be able to vet my issues, f find a friend is kind of what I was uh what I was hoping looking at. I I did I did not intend to pursue a relationship, but um but anyway, so so I I'd been talking with her and I talked with her for like maybe three weeks, you know, we had a lot of commonalities. Uh I I liked uh her demeanor. Uh she carried on with humor, and I guess I never really thought about this until you asked, but you know, what was it but I liked when you asked uh what is it about the what is it about you wanting to get into the relationship that you want to provide. Uh now that I'm thinking about it uh is I felt that I that I had been so d torn in my life and abandoned and neglected that I guess in a way I was trying to fix myself by helping other people. And I I I guess I guess that's probably one way of doing it, but also because well here here here here's another reason. As an observer, I observed my dad always being very affectionate with my mother and showing that affection and being very grateful for like every meal that she makes, like without skipping a beat. So I I obviously learned by example from that as well. So I I I did I did have the um the aspiration to show Yeah, yeah, I did have that and and I guess I wanted to provide that safe space for people that I felt that I didn't quite get. So I I I I longed for that companionship and you know, relationship like that just so maybe, just maybe, if I find someone that loves me, then maybe I will believe that I deserve to be loved.

Khalila McCoy 27:18

Did you realize at the time that you were a compassionate caring person, or was it just like, eh, whatever?

Greg Arnold 27:26

I definitely realized that I was somebody that, you know, kind of wore my heart on my sleeve, you know, the you know, back then just because uh so I I I knew that I had compassionate traits, like a lot of compassionate traits, towards other people. Myself not towards yourself. Not towards myself. And and here was here was kind of a turning point on what made me decide to shift my mindset, or at least realize that it's important to kind of make a change. But I would even out loud, I would say, like, well, I'm such an idiot, or you know, like I I I why why don't I know better? And just just very like verbally and internally, just berate myself. Like and i it's like honestly, if you extracted everything, you know, like from my brain and you hear it like an audio form, you you would just think i there was abuse going on. I but I remembered one instance that I was kind of ranting towards my wife, well, it's my girlfriend at the time, but uh and sh she got angry with me. And and then I'm like, why are you angry? I I'm not I'm not talking about you, not even talking to you. Like it's like, but I I don't want you talking that way, you know, towards towards you. Like it's it it's not okay. You you shouldn't think that it's okay. And and it just it it puzzled me. And so I remember like coming home from uh from school, like one of my last uh one of my last semesters of college. I remember like driving back home, and it's like saying, Yeah, you know, she cares about me a lot, clearly, uh she actually st stood up for me, and so that's that's just the kind of person she is, even against myself. Huh. So and it made me think like, so she would defend me because she doesn't want being me hurt, and I'm also but I'm also capable of hurting myself, so she'll defend me against me. So I don't it it was something that she couldn't articulate, but then I realized it and I told and I told her that little epiphany, and she said, that's exactly it. Oh my god, like I'm so proud of you, you know, for for for discovering that. So so it got me cognizant on why it's important to self-care, but I still had a lot of work to do because I kind of had a little bit of atrophy with uh knowing how to practice self-care, and it's and it's still been like, you know, a decade of trying like various things, getting some therapy, you know, uh talking with with people and trying to practice uh, you know, like gratitude, internal validations and so on and so forth, because uh the way I started to see it is okay, maybe I don't val value myself just yet, but I can value that I'm trying, and and the way I see it is, you know, my father's my best friend, my wife is my best friend, and the those two, you know, do they deserve to have me at my best? And yes, of course. So I I think it's important to, you know, start to incorporate self-love in my life. So that's that that's kind of what um what snowballed this mindset transformation, and it's it's definitely been a been a big journey, but uh but I'm really proud of how far I've uh I've come along.

Khalila McCoy 30:51

Yeah. What types of steps did you incorporate? Or were they like I know different people say like different mantras during the day, or because it sounds like you had a lot of negative talk to yourself, so I'm assuming that had to be one of the big changes that you made.

Greg Arnold 31:07

Yeah, so uh one of the big changes is one, I try to surround myself with as many encouraging and positive people as possible because just like you know, you kind of become what you eat if you eat so much junk, then you feel so sluggish. Right. And same goes with maybe the things we watch on TV or like any media. If we're doom scrolling, we may come across something that we don't like, you know, something that's like grim. I I have minimized that uh you know a considerable amount and I've kind of tried focusing on what's what's here and what's now like in my world, it's like you know, more so than what's happening here, like on the phone or social media. And and it's like you know, it it's a it's a great tool to, you know, you know uh catch up with people, but but we end up immersing ourselves into comparing ourselves so many, so many, uh so many different pathways there that just one, that have nothing to do with us, and two, that just overload our mind to where and and I think most people don't realize this, but if we're if we're doom scrolling, we're still processing so much information. We may think that we're taking a break. Like I but I think that's a preconceived notion that you know we're we're kind of utilizing our mental fuel that it and if we see something that's like very draining or something that's dramatic, we end up our motivation just gets so deflated. And we and it just kind of sh it it shifts our mood for the remainder of the day. So suffice it to say, uh what I started doing is just keeping my phone down as much as possible. You know, like the only time I'm using is like I'm checking notifications or uh you know checking emails, um you know, if I if I'm messaging specifically to people, like and and if I happen to see like some kind of mm troubling news and I see you know people reposting and you know how outraged they are, it's like I don't need to be as outraged as they are. I'm not saying that you know what's going on out there isn't serious, but what can I do about it? Like what can we individually do about that?

Khalila McCoy 33:27

I mean, I think there's a big difference too, like seeing something being outraged on social media with all the people posting their negativity and whatever view they come in versus like actually sitting with the real people that you know in your community and trying to talk it through and have solve that problem. Because I think you get sucked into the negativity a lot easier online. And I know I've seen I you know some people don't agree with that. I was like, but I don't watch the news when certain things come up, I won't look at certain people's posts because it just you know it makes you sad and it makes it heavy. And like I went through a period of like you know, anxiety just watching and listening to what other people are saying, and I'm like, well, this person lives, you know, miles away from me. I don't know who they are, but reading what they said others ruined my day, and I'm allowing that in every day by just scrolling through my phone. That's exactly exactly.

Greg Arnold 34:22

I mean you you definitely hit the nail on the head when you said there's a difference between being outrage and just you know saying your saying your piece and just just very frustrated, just like altering your mood for the rest of the day. There's a difference between that and actually trying to solve a problem. Like instead of just saying what the problem is, it's like, oh my god, oh my god, my uh my my car has a check engine light. Oh, like what what is going on? Like, oh my woe is me. But there's a difference between that and just say, alright, so my check engine light is on, so let's check uh can we check the oil? What could possibly be be wrong? Instead of like being inquisitive about it, like there's a there's a big difference between you know just complaining and just leaving it at that and then relaying the issue and saying, like, so now what? What do we do? Yes. So so yeah, it's like that that's one, that's another tactic that I've done, and um trying to incorporate self-forgiveness and just like letting go of things that have been uh weighing heavy on me. It could be a mistake that like I made today, something very similar, or maybe I I forgot to check uh you know the K the KFC food and be like, oh man, you know, my my my wife got Dr. Pepper instead of Sprite, you know, whatever the case might be. Sometimes even trivial things would kind of aggravate me, like, oh yeah, what was I thinking? But uh but this is why I did it, this is why it happened, and just trying to kind of have like a little discourse. This was the resource I had at the time, this was the circumstance, but here's what I learned from it. And and once you acknowledge what you have taken from it, you either win or you learn, which is why I learned in arm wrestling. Uh but uh but you either win or you learn, and and it's just so easy from there to kind of, you know, uh just go ahead and then say, All right, I'm ready to let go. I fre I forgive myself, you know. So I'm I'm ready to move on. Just it and and it's not excusing any any mistake that you made, but it's the fact that, hey, I've taken accountability, but I'm not gonna allow myself to suffer and dwell.

Khalila McCoy 36:32

Right. I like that. It's accountability and it's reflective. So when you come into that situation again, you have something in your tool belt to help you. Okay, well, when last time I was in this situation, I did this, I did not like it, this is how I can move on.

Greg Arnold 36:47

Exactly. And that's that's definitely for those trying to rewire your mindset going from self-doubt to self-worth. Uh I experienced that a lot in pro-arm wrestling. And the re and I'll tell and I'll tell you why that I experienced a lot of uh lack of self-esteem at first, because my father is also a pro-arm wrestler. Uh he had been in the sport, he's been in the sport for like over 40 years. Uh he was he actually was so good, like he be he was a very prominent figure in uh in the tri-state and even some national level as well. Um so um he he he he had won a couple of national titles, uh he he got third in the in the world uh in the in the late 80s. Um he's a legend in the eyes of his generation and even my generation. You know, like he's he's definitely so so he taught me it, he he tre he he still trains me in the sport, and and because I haven't done a I haven't achieved as many accolades as he has, it I put him on a high pedestal, but sometimes at the expense of myself, thinking like, oh man, I gotta measure up or the w otherwise I'm I'm nothing. I'm I'm just I'm just Bill Arnold's kid. But uh pressure. Yes. Uh but it but eventually I got to shift uh my mindset, had like a good talk with my with my dad on how so he he never he never pressured me to like succeed or anything, but it was one, it was how we bonded because he and I would go travel nationwide together to competitions. Uh you know, make we we definitely made a lot of memories. I mean we still do, like because I still compete and train. But uh but I I was so busy chasing perfection that it just it it just killed my motivation of even wanting to get out there. Um but now I've learned how to chase momentum instead of perfection. And here was a real crowning turning point in my uh in not only my professional arm wrestling career, but just my mindset in general. So there was uh there's this guy that is that was number one in the state of Ohio. I and Ohio's where I live. So he had been in sport for like maybe four years and he's he's achieved a lot. He he won he won pretty, you know, prestigious titles like in the state and tri-state area, and he he easily beat he he would easily beat guys that are even higher caliber than than me, just stronger, str you know, just just very fierce competitors. And out of the blue, he reaches out to me and say, Hey, I I I was wondering, you know, would you like to uh can will you accept a challenge for me in in this particular arm? And and then like, well, in light of you just beating this guy, you know, you you know, I you might be a little out of my league, but uh, you know, if this is what you really want, then uh I I I I was about to shy away from it, and then I'm like, y you know what, this is an opportunity for me to go out there and uh say like, you know, you know what, I I lose so what? And and and in retrospect, uh, you know, he's he didn't really have anything to gain by beating me. But I will say arm wrestling is a very niche kind of sport, and it involves a lot of different technique, and because I had been part of the sport for on and off about 20 years, I'm kind of like a real I I I did start to build a reputation for myself in that state and thought, oh well, if if you beat if you beat Greg, then you know you're well on your way. I guess I was kind of a kind of a I I was still a stepping stone. Okay. Now statisti now, ranking-wise, he didn't really have anything to gain by beating me, still in that in the left arm, but nonetheless, he knew that he hasn't competed against someone that had my not only my experience, but also my various uh techniques. Like I you know, I I I was not a I was not a one-trick pony, if you will. So I told my dad about the matchup, and uh he's like, well, I mean, and this is the first time he's actually said this to me in the 20 years that uh he and I have trained together, but he said, I I don't see you winning this match, however. Um let's just see you know, but uh uh uh it you said but but you know what, you know, Greg, let this let this be an opportunity that uh see how see how great you can get and how how much you can uh you can really bulldoze through like your PRs, your records, and just see how strong you can get. And for for two and a half to three months, you know, was how how long I had time to train for before the match. And I did like random, like lots of dumbbell holds, and I more than doubled my uh my record of holding for like 30 seconds. Um I I I I was breaking through max lifts and doing like so many different things. Like I just we kind of had a plan A, plan B, and plan C on what to do for this guy. We studied, this guy watched some video reels of him, and super strong guy, but he really was, I guess you would call a one-trick pony. He was really strong in this one position. So even though like going into it, I wasn't confident that I was gonna win, but I did win. Um and here's how it happened. Um what it all came down to is you know, I I felt, okay, well, it may not be enough, but I'm gonna tell you, I I I turned from fear of being ostracized by his uh by by the uh spectators of that event. I turned that to excitement to see, I can't wait to showcase how how far I've uh far I've come. Maybe it's not it's probably not gonna be enough for me to win, but I I want them to see like, hey, I I I want to at least make him really work for it. Like that was my goal, to make him work for it. So what that taught me, what that taught me is the amount of commitment that you provide for yourself for at least three weeks, try three months. Uh you know, I think that's what's going to ultimately determine your uh your level of uh level of success. Like we're so results driven, like immediate results-driven, that if we don't see something right away, we get e you know easily discouraged.

Khalila McCoy 43:21

Yeah.

Greg Arnold 43:23

Now we're living in a time, an advanced technology time that we're expected uh to be replication. Yes. Yes. Exactly. But um but that's not how that's not how like that's not long-lasting. Yeah. So it's but anyway, that was the lesson that taught me. It was just a bonus that I happened to win, and that's how I became number one in the state of uh state of Ohio.

Khalila McCoy 43:47

And I'm like, wow, so I think Oh, so I have the number one pro wrestler on my podcast? Wow. Just in the state. Just in the state. I still had a lot of work to do.

Greg Arnold 44:00

But just just seeing me leveling up and it may not be, you know, it's not always gonna be the result that you want, but if you are chasing simply being the best that you can be, period, then that's all that matters. I mean, just be a better version, you know, than you were yesterday, uh last week, last month, and just really chart how far you've come just to really uh reinforce the the fruits of your labor. So that's so that was a huge turning point in my confidence. And it's like I want to teach like other arm wrestlers, other like young students uh or y young adults, uh high school students that may feel that may feel like I did, you know, when I was younger and feeling alone. It's like, listen, like there are pat there are other ways, and confidence is not some it's not a trait that you have, because I used to think confidence was just something you were either born with or it's just a trait, or you just simply have to manifest it, or you have to fake it till you make it. No, it is j it is a muscle that you work, essentially. I mean, it is something that you work consistently. And that is that unlocked like even if I was given um even if like now I embrace challenges instead of running away from them. So so that's which is a big shift. Yes, so that's the transformation that I want to provide to people, but I also want to inspire other people that feel you know down and defeated within themselves, that it does not have to be that way. Like it that may be a story that you've told yourself in the past, but that does not have to be the one that you keep writing or you keep living. So it's like it's like I I am living proof that you can rebuild your purpose and thrive, and just just there's always time for a fresh start.

Khalila McCoy 46:04

So for someone who's listening and is like, okay, I struggle with self-confidence and I'm hearing his story and it sounds great, but you know, he had arm wrestling to help him through. I don't have that. Like, what would you say to that person?

Greg Arnold 46:16

That's a very, very good question. Um so the way I looked at it is arm wrestling, I did not start off being good at it. Like I I was super skinny. I was like a I was a skinny 150 pounder. I would easily get manhandled. Like I would hold my own against like other teens, but adults and especially pros, I lost so many times. Like I got humiliated so many times. So like that match that I was telling you about, this happened, I think it was August of 2025. So this was very, very recent. And I had been in the sport for almost for almost 20 years. So it took me a couple of decades to unlock my biggest potential. So I I will say to the people that you know that that okay, you know, well I I don't have arm wrestling. I mean it's like, okay, well, that's fine. Well what what do you have? What do you want to excel in? Like what what do you feel is pulling you? So and and if that's something you want to master, then find different paths to uh to to get you good at. Like maybe you wanna maybe maybe you just like want to lose weight or something. Um internally validate yourself by not what the number says on that scale, but the fact that you spent the the last like the you spent the first three days making much better dietary choices, that you got to be more active. Instead of uh instead of sitting on the couch uh for like the last hour, you you decide to go for a walk or you decide to you know go for a run or you know do some dancing. Uh something.

Khalila McCoy 48:00

So celebrate the little things that you do along the way.

Greg Arnold 48:04

Interim goals. Uh celebrate every interim goal. So like I I think people look at it as okay, what does the destination look like? Oh man, you know, that's so far, I'm not gonna be able to do it. It's like, okay, well, see how close you can get it. You know, how how close can you build and how how how fast can you go? And once you start and chart them to whatever it is you do, whether it's a workout, whether it's you know, trying to lose weight, or whether you're trying you're an entrepreneur and you you want to reach out to uh to clients, see how many people you reach out to and and assess what works and what doesn't. Um if you want to master something, I mean you gotta be great at it. Now to be great at it, you have to be good decent at it. To be decent at it, you gotta be bad at it. To be bad at it, you've gotta actually do it. So my tip, do it. If something is pulling you, you know, d do something. Uh ask ask people that are uh that are well known in the industry or people that have lived that life. Learn from them. Watch watch tutorials on on YouTube, uh ask if you can audit uh like a course of their I don't know, whatever the case might be. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

Khalila McCoy 49:21

And it's surprising like how willing people are. Like, you know, you'll get your nose and stuff, and like the people who are looking at you like, why are you here? But you know, there are people who are willing to help and support. Like you, you want to help somebody, you want to mentor other people. There are people out there more than you would think.

Greg Arnold 49:41

Yes. I love being able to help people like whenever whatever they ask, because it's like, you know, I I know what it's like when I felt like I was without a paddle or that I was too nervous to take that step. What can I expect going into it? I I like um I like being a mentor for uh for for a few of the people because you know I look young, but at the same time I've been in this I I've been around the block a bunch of times when it comes to that sport. So uh uh all this to say, echoing what you were saying, people enjoy helping. I enjoy helping when it comes to training for arm wrestling, being in a sport, or getting in the right mindset uh as an athlete or as an actor. Like I'm privileged that I got to be part of a couple of different um you know, different industries because it taught me resilience because uh you I would send a hundred, uh let's say I would send a hundred emails, auditions, and whatnot, and I I would get one, maybe two jobs out of the hundred. So you it's a numbers game, it is a timing game.

Khalila McCoy 50:49

So that I find that so interesting. So someone who has so much self-doubt, right, who was talking negative to themselves, I find it very interesting that you would pick an industry that rejects you and tells you no. So how did you balance that?

Greg Arnold 51:03

Well, that's a very good question because there were times where uh where I felt I couldn't. Um in the beginning, when I didn't really have uh didn't have anywhere to go but up, I I was still aware that um that that I was that I was I I was expected the rejection because like I was still new. As I started to get a few titles, like small titles, um I w i I would it would start to give me the impression, okay, well, I I'm able to do it, but then you have other people that maybe they're not looking for you, not because like you did a bad job, but because you know you're just not the vocal print that they're looking for. It it does get a lot of people.

Khalila McCoy 51:51

So it's not personal.

Greg Arnold 51:53

Right. Like it it it it's about um I mean i i in the entertainment industry, I mean, you're you're gonna meet a meet across a couple of people that are, you know, unpleasant, you know, to put it politely. Um I guess that's every industry, honestly. Yeah. But uh but I don't know. Um it it was hard to balance, and whenever I would particularly be uh you know, be hard on myself, I I simply would step away, take a break, uh, you know, take a hiatus, like even if it's like a few days, because the reality is this voiceover is and was a part-time uh part-time endeavor, and and I don't know, I just uh I I simply tried to make as many outlets available for me as humanly possible. Like I would love to go out running, like around like the neighborhood block. We have a Siberian husky, you know, you we gotta keep we we gotta keep him active, yes. Yes, so so it was motivation for me to go out running or or or you know, e even even punch a pillow, like if I'm uh if I'm feeling like feeling angry. But um but after being in the voiceover industry for ten years and you hear it so much, like in the beginning, uh you kinda subconsciously learn that okay, it's it's not personal, but I mean it it it sucks, but it's but it's not personal at the same time. Um and yeah, it it it taught me uh it taught me a lot. Um I I would still uh I would still once in a blue moon think like, oh well, maybe I didn't deserve uh those those roles to begin with. I mean like i i i I would kind of teeter towards that, but uh but I didn't stay that way, but uh but yeah, voiceover definitely taught you to submit and forget. Just, you know, don't have your heart set to that particular role. And, you know, if door closes, just you know look for another one, you know, there might you know it it might be open, or look for a window even. Like you never you just never know what is out there for you. And you know, I I I I'd kind of been on the um I'd kind of been on an upward trajectory in my uh in my mindset, but I w I would say it was as recent as a half a year ago that I really, really embraced challenges. Like I'm not I'm not just confident that I can get through this this issue, but I'm actually embracing it. So that's another uh transformation.

Khalila McCoy 54:27

And you mentioned that like your dad and your wife, they're your best friends. Are they very cognizant of this journey that you're going on? So the do they push you in any sort of way, or do you still kind of lean on them when you're starting to get self-doubt?

Greg Arnold 54:41

Um column A and column B. Uh by me, it's it's more column A at this point, but uh but yeah, my my wife and my father, they're well aware of my aspirations to be a speaker, and my dad says that he's he's seen like a huge shift in my uh in my mindset and confidence, and I am not timid like I like I used to be. Because he's watched me like my whole entire life. He expresses how uh how proud he is of me, and he thinks like, I think it's because you had you had your daughter. And like well, I think that's part of it. And because I want to I want her to be as happy and confident and just adventurous and just ready to take on anything and just not like be fearless because I don't want her to feel remotely the way that I did. And and my wife, uh you know, she she had a pretty rough childhood that like her parents were never validating to her as well. Like she she had to constantly prove herself and be kind of the adult as she became a teenager. But anyway, uh so she was a product.

Khalila McCoy 55:54

She has a level of understanding too of what it feels like and what you've gone through.

Greg Arnold 55:58

Aaron Ross Powell Yes. She and I have grown together. Um like we both have healed one another, and in in uh in light of having our daughter, we kind of healed a lot of our uh childhood trauma as well by you know taking care of her, being able to learn from it, and just love her the way that we felt that we needed back then. Not saying like you know that we weren't loved as kids, but but just we we probably didn't get that um we we we probably didn't get quite enough. But yeah, so back to uh I I I guess back to the back to the premise. Uh I I was so timid, I was so broken, I I was in a state where I felt I didn't deserve anything. And it took it took my wife, uh I I it may have taken kind of an external factor, but in doing so, it kind of gave me the tools to kind of fix myself like within or for me to fix myself within myself. So uh all this to say that it's possible for me, it is possible for anyone, like if they if they really uh if they really want to make uh make any kind of transformation in their lives. Just start with something that's that's small, like internally validate yourself saying, hey, today I chose peace over drama. And then once you start to once you start to be a little fundamentally better at looking within yourself, then start going out, going outside in the gratitude, be like, thank you for this, you know, roof over my head, thank you for the clean water, thank you for you know the air I breathe, being able to travel, um, you know. I if I'm having a particularly rough day, I will say, you know, I'm so grateful that I'm not incarcerated. That's true. I gotta have my own I gotta have my own private restroom. Uh so it's like so it's like it it's definitely mo it motivates me to uh you know uh keep my nose clean.

Khalila McCoy 58:11

Oh no. I do the same thing.

Greg Arnold 58:14

Yeah, so yeah, so it it's it's been a journey, it's been exhausting, but man, it's been uh it's been very uh very rewarding and I I know how it feels to kind of be able to breathe again like within your within your souls. Like I I c uh I can't remember when the last time that like I like when I was a kid, like I I would used to very genuinely smile, but then like as I got older I started to have to either feign it or or I feel okay, well I could I fake it until I make it. Uh but now I feel genuinely happy and I do embrace every challenge because I see a challenge as like an opportunity for me to show up and see what I can what I can gather from it. And I don't have to always have the answer for the problem at that moment. And and then that the same goes with like anybody else that's uh that's having any particular issue. There's nothing wrong with asking for help, asking for a different perspective, and just taking it from there and uh you know it's like you know, like I said, like you either win or or or you learn. What can you extract from from it?

Khalila McCoy 59:37

Yeah. I really enjoyed hearing all of that that you had to say, and I also like the perspective coming from a male because I feel like a lot of times in our society, you know, men don't get a chance to really emote and talk about how they're feeling and what they're going through. And I like that idea of like, hopefully there's some male listeners out there too, finding strength in what you're saying. Um, is there anything specific you would say to other males who, you know, feel like, oh, I have to be tough, I have to hide it, I have to keep this inside?

Greg Arnold 1:00:13

I think what I would have them take away from this is uh you know, I just I I I hope that what rises in them in if if you can uh rise the the permission to stop punishing yourself for surviving or for trying to learn. And I just I kind of want them to know that you know healing isn't you're not erasing the past. You cannot change the past. But it's about build but it's about building a relationship with yourself despite what you have endured, that can hold a much better future and hold a much better life than what you had had lived. So if you're listening, uh if you feel like that you're at zero, well zero is not a sentence. Like it's not a sentence in prison. It is only a starting point. You do not have to walk it perfectly. In fact, progress is not meant to be linear. Like if you're if you're doing a workout regimen, you're not gonna you're not gonna max every single lift. I mean, some sometimes you've got to let your you let your muscles recover and grow. You you'll you might plateau, maybe you'll take a tiny dip, but give yourself a fair chance, like at least three weeks to a month of discipline. I you know, mindset speakers like to say discipline, but I like the term commitment better than discipline. Discipline, I you know, when I hear discipline, uh they it's ambiguous. I think, oh, I'm getting in trouble in school. I like commitment better. I like commitment better personally, because you are committing yourself to making some kind of a positive difference. So uh all this to say you don't have to progress or walk the perfect path. It's not going to be. But keep walking anyway. You you just have to just have to keep walking.

Khalila McCoy 1:02:09

I like that. Keep walking anyway. That's perfect. Great. Well, thank you. I really appreciate your time. I love you. Win or you learn. That's something I'm definitely taking away. And then just keep walking. I really love that. So thank you, Greg.

Greg Arnold 1:02:24

Of course. Thank you for having me. It's it's been a it's been a pleasure.

Khalila McCoy 1:02:30

First of all, hearing Greg talk, you can immediately tell why he gets voiceover gigs. His voice is just so cool. But what I really loved about this episode is how deeply it leans into the heart of listening louder. As I listened to Greg share his story, he dropped so many golden nuggets. And here are a few that really stood out to me. Greg said that he wants to, quote, create that safe space for people that I didn't quite get. This isn't the first time we've heard someone on this podcast talk about wanting to help others be better than they were, and it definitely won't be the last. I think that is such an important theme. You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to have lived the same exact situation as someone else to help them out. You just need compassion. He also encouraged us to be a better version than you were yesterday, and he reminds us that confidence is a muscle you work on, not necessarily something you're born with. So, again, not perfection, but reflection and steady growth. And my favorite nugget, you heard me say it in the conversation, was either you win or you learn. I love that mindset. And Greg is all about mindset shifts, and honestly, even in a win, there's still something to learn. So no matter what stage of life you're in, these are the kinds of reminders we need from time to time. Always learning, always rising. Greg's contact information is in the show notes. You can follow him on Instagram, find him on LinkedIn, or connect with him through his website. I had the privilege of continuing the conversation with him after we stopped recording, and he is genuinely a great and funny guy. We stay connected on Facebook, and I wish him and his family the absolute best. Alright, y'all. Thanks for spending time with me today. As you move through the rest of your day, I hope you take a moment to listen a little louder to yourself, to the people you love, and to the things that connect us in ways we sometimes forget to know. I'll meet you back here next time. See ya bye.